In Repair
by Writie
Summary: UPDATED! 5 years after graduation the kids of TH deal with how their lives have changed since becoming adults, and dealing with the death of a close friend. Possible NR. LP. RP friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**In Repair**

**Author: **_Writie/Nonna_

**Summary: **5 after graduation the kids of TH deal with how their lives have changed since becoming adults, and dealing with the death of a close friend. Possible NR. LP. RP friendship.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own OTH, but I did write this story. ;)

**Rated: ****M**

**A/N: **_This fic is dedicated to my soul twin Sarah, who asked me to write it and I am really glad she did because I have enjoyed writing it. I really hope you like it sweetie! I hope everyone who reads likes it. _

_**XoxoxoxoxoX**_

4 YEARS AFTER HIGH SCHOOL 

Nathan shut his eyes tightly. His back was pressed against the door and his heart was pounding so loudly he thought it might burst through his chest. Or, maybe it just sounded incredibly loud to him. Other than the beating of his heart, there was nothing but silence. An eerie, heartbreaking silence and it was all too much for him to take. Always and forever, he kept repeating the words over and over again in his head. It made him want to laugh bitterly and cry convulsively all at the same time. Who would have thought always and forever would have ended at the tender age of 21? It made him sick just thinking about it.

He couldn't do this, life, alone without her? What was he going to do? All anyone wanted was for him to talk about his feelings. He couldn't handle the concern, or the worried glances he kept getting. It was the last thing he wanted to talk, or even think about. All of this was his fault. She was on her way to see him play his first game in the NBA, when the plane she was on crashed. No on the flight survived. Nathan choked back tears thinking of all this.

Their son James was only 4 years old. He didn't understand what was going on and Nathan had no idea how to explain it to him. Haley had been such a good mother. A better parent than Nathan most of the time. It wasn't that Nathan was a bad father, far from it, but parenting had just seemed to come so naturally to Haley.

He jumped slightly at the sound of a soft knock on the door. He released a shaky breath that he hadn't even realized he had been holding in. He didn't want to open that door because he knew exactly what was on the other side of it. Everyone who cared about him, overwhelmed with concern and worry. The truth was he was worried too. He was petrified.

"Who is it?" Nathan called finally after staring at the door for a good moment. The door slowly cracked open and Peyton poked her head in.

"Hey." Peyton greeted him softly with a sad smile and understanding eyes.

"I don't want to talk." Nathan responded immediately. "I just don't" He shook his head.

"Okay. It's okay to not want to talk about it." Peyton nodded sympathetically because she knew how he was feeling all too well. "We have to get going." She added gently.

"Everyone's in a hurry to put my dead wife into the ground?" Nathan snickered bitterly.

"Nathan…" Peyton uttered caught off guard by the comment.

"I just need a second." Nathan answered abruptly.

"Okay." Peyton nodded backing away leaving him alone in the room as she slowly shut the door.

_**XoxoxoxoX**_

"How is he?" Rachel asked as soon as Peyton closed the door behind her.

"He doesn't want to talk about it but I don't think he's doing too good." Peyton admitted sadly. "He's a wreck." She shook her head feeling helpless.

"I feel so awful. I wish there was something we could do." Rachel sighed. "And at the same time I know there's really nothing that can make this any better." She admitted remorsefully.

"I can't believe this." Brooke cried hysterically. "Haley is gone. It just doesn't feel real." She sobbed and Peyton immediately pulled her into a tight hug, tears rolling down her own face. Rachel wrapped her arms around both girls in an attempt to comfort them. She and Haley were never really that close but they has managed to get passed all of the silly high school drama and become pretty good friends over the last 4 years. Rachel cried tears of loss with them, because really, they had all lost a sister. They would face this together because it was the only way to keep from falling apart. A teary eyed Bevin nearly tackled them all to the ground when she came over to join in on the hug, providing a much needed laugh.

"Oh you guys." Bevin sobbed hugging them. Peyton broke away from the girls to go check on Lucas, who had pretty much been an emotional wreck after receiving the devastating news. He was probably as broken up, as Nathan was, the only difference being that he wasn't bottling it up. Peyton glided over to him and pulled him close to her, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"How are you doing baby?" Peyton cooed softly.

"I just can't believe this is happening. She was my best friend, like a little sister. She was my family. I just want to wake up and have this all be a bad dream." Lucas answered emotionally resting his forehead on Peyton's, while tears rolled down his face. "Everything was going so good. Nathan and Haley doing great, Nathan's dreams were finally coming true, you and I had just gotten engaged and my book is being published soon and then this happens?! It's not fair!" He sobbed.

"I know Lucas." Peyton murmured softly giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

"And poor Nathan. God, I can only imagine what he must be going through right now. But he won't talk to me about it. He just lost the love of his life. I can't even possibly fathom what I'd do if I ever lost you. I really hope he's gonna be okay." Lucas continued to cry. Peyton enveloped him in her arms closing the space between them and he returned the embrace holding her tightly. It was almost like he was afraid she might disappear.

Suddenly the door swung open and all eyes in the room were on the broken man in the doorway. The rims of Nathan's eyes were red, and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. It looked like he had been crying for hours and hadn't slept in days. Which was probably the case. He scanned the room and his eyes fell upon Lucas and Peyton. Peyton was hugging Lucas and he was crying softly into her shoulder. He sadly wished that Haley were still here to hold him like that and help him get through this. No one seemed to know how to react or what to say to him, but Brooke was the first to approach.

"Nathan." Brooke cried throwing her arms around him with tears gushing from her eyes. "I'm so sorry." She wept finally releasing him. That's what he kept hearing from everyone it seemed. Sorry? That's great but it wasn't changing anything. People being sorry wasn't making it better or bringing her back to him. He knew it was only their way of showing that they cared. He just really couldn't appreciate that right now.

"It's kind of sad it takes something like this to bring us all back together." Nathan remarked numbly. After high school they had all gone their separate ways off to college, pursuing their individual dreams.

"Hey man." Lucas greeted as he approached with Peyton by his side. He pulled Nathan into a hug. "I'm gonna help you get through this." He promised.

"I don't think you can." Nathan chuckled sadly.

"I can try." Lucas reasoned softly.

"I can't give a eulogy. There are no words to describe how this feels, so thank you for doing it. Your better with words than I am anyway." Nathan admitted.

"I wanted too." Lucas answered in a heartfelt tone. There was a brief moment of silence where the bothers just looked at each other with understanding. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"No, but I guess I'm gonna have to be." Nathan answered leading the way to the door.

It was a very emotional ceremony. There wasn't s dry eye at the funeral. Afterward everyone went back to Nathan's house. He stayed for about an hour before he couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out of that house.

"Mom, can you keep an eye on James for me? I need to get some air." Nathan requested handing over his 4 years old son to his grandmother.

"Of course." Deb obliged failing to mask her worry.

"I'm fine Mom." Nathan answered sensing her concern.

"Of course your not." Deb frowned hugging him. "I know how hard this is for you. I wish I could change it." She began to cry softly.

"Mom, don't okay? Just please don't." Nathan asked pulling away from her embrace and heading for the door.

"Nate, where are you going?" Peyton called catching up to him followed by Rachel.

"I just don't want to be here right now. I know I'm probably supposed to stay but I can't…" Nathan shrugged. "I'll be back later. I just need some time." He added.

"You should really talk to Lucas. He was just as close to Haley as you were, if anyone can relate it's him. He's in a lot of pain right now. We all are." Rachel offered sympathetically.

"We're here for you. I just want you to know that." Peyton reminded.

"Yeah, we're here for you if there's anything you ever need. Even if you don't want to talk, if you need anything like money or a babysitter, or just friends…we're here for you. You don't have to go through this alone." Rachel explained softly.

"Thanks guys. Right now, all I want is to be left alone." Nathan answered simply.

"We understand. We're just worried." Peyton let out a nervous laugh folding her arms across her chest.

"So am I." Nathan admitted before turning to leave and walking out the front door. The girls watched him leave, their hearts heavy with sorrow for their broken friend.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

**ONE YEAR LATER**

Rachel huffed dragging a bag of Peyton's through the front door. She seriously wasn't expecting the bag to be this heavy. It was only art supplies. How heavy could a paintbrush or a pencil really be? She dropped the bag in front of the coach watching as Peyton entered the house carrying a box of albums, closely followed by a zombie-like Nathan who was there to do all of the heavy lifting. He was currently carrying in Peyton's computer. Rachel darkly noted Nathan had been zombie-like a lot these days. For the last year actually, he hadn't been the same since Haley's untimely passing. Rachel plopped down on the coach think about how she should have made Nathan carry the 50-pound bag of art tools.

"Oh no you don't!" Peyton reprimanded immediately grabbing Rachel's hands and pulling her to her feet. Nathan exited the house to unload the rest of the truck.

"Give me a break. I had class this morning. I have tons of studying to do, on top of helping you move. Plus, I have a shift at the café on top if helping you at Tric. A girl deserves at least a 5 minute break." Rachel whined although she wasn't really annoyed. Peyton smiled at her pouting, Rachel had really become one of her closest friends over the years.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't taken time off of school you'd be done like the rest of us." Peyton retorted with a sly grin.

"Good times." Rachel smiled.

"I'll bet." Peyton replied sarcastically. Instead of going to college right after high school like every else Rachel took some time off to travel and also did a lot of partying. When she finally decided it was time to get serious and do something with her life, she chose to pursue veterinary school.

"Are you sure about this?" Rachel asked. A question she had already asked _repeatedly._

"How many times are you gonna ask me that?" Peyton laughed.

"I just want to make sure your not making a mistake because I think you might be." Rachel answered honestly. Nathan re-entered the room giving the girls a glance.

"I thought I was supposed to be helping you move, not moving everything for you." Nathan said. It was a playful comment but he wasn't smiling or amused.

"Stop whining like a little girl Nathan. You're stronger than us. Most of the stuff is heavy. I nearly broke my arm carrying that bag." Rachel answered.

"Now you're being dramatic." Peyton grinned. Nathan rolled his eyes and went back to work.

"I appreciate your concern. I really do. But I've made up my mind." Peyton answered Rachel's previous question.

"What about Lucas? How is he gonna feel about you moving?" Rachel reminded with concern.

"What about him? He's half way across the country Rach. He won't even notice I'm gone." Peyton explained failing to disguise how much this simple fact bothered her.

"Peyton that's not fair." Rachel answered softly.

"Life rarely is." Peyton shrugged.

"You know if you told him how you felt…" Rachel began.

"He'd be back in Tree Hill in an instant and I don't want that. Lucas has had to sacrifice enough for the people in his life and he deserves this. Besides, the engagement is off so there's really no need for me to live there anymore." Peyton added with a sad smile acting like she didn't care what they both knew nothing could be further from the truth.

"You know instead of feeling sorry for yourself and resenting Lucas for following his dreams. Maybe you should thank God that you still have Lucas, that you can still have stupid things to argue with him about or get mad at him for." Nathan snapped heatedly dropping the box he was holding to the floor. "I'd give anything to have Haley back, in good times and bad." He admitted and his voice gave out on those last words with a heartbreaking crack. He walked off with tears brimming his eyes. Peyton and Rachel exchanged a look of concern.

"I'll go talk to him." Peyton murmured walking in the direction he had disappeared him.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxX**_

She entered the bedroom to find him sitting on the bed. His eyes were fixated on the floor, a sad blank expression written across his face.

"I'm sorry Nathan. Things with Lucas and I are just complicated right now. But I don't take his presence for granted." Peyton said softly as she sat next to him.

"Lucas left to promote his best-selling novel Peyton. He's following his dream. Your just selfish." Nathan retorted harshly.

"I pushed him to follow his dreams!" Peyton cried defensively.

"Yeah, and now you resent him for it." Nathan laughed bitterly.

"This isn't even about me or Lucas. This is about Haley. Nathan I know how badly you hurting. But it's been a year do you really think Haley would want you doing this to yourself?" Peyton replied her eyes filled with concern.

"It still doesn't feel real, the idea that I can never see her again. I can't hear her laugh or sing. I can't see her smile. I can't ever touch her face or hold her again. What makes it worse is that it's all my fault." Nathan explained bitterly. "If it weren't for me she'd still be here. She was on that plane because of me. She was on her way to see me play my first game as a professional basketball player." He added emotionally.

"Haley's death was not your fault!" Peyton replied passionately. I used to blame myself for my mother's death. She was on her way to see me just like Haley was on her way to see you. There's nothing you could have done." She insisted with determined eyes.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." Nathan shrugged looking away trying to fight off tears.

"Give it time Nathan." Peyton hushed softly.

"It's been a year." Nathan croaked.

"It's been 12 years since my mother passed away and it still hurts me. It'll never stop hurting Nathan. You're always going to miss her. That's okay. But she would have wanted you to be happy, not let her death consume the rest of your life. She would have wanted you to move on and create a great life for you and James." Peyton explained with a caring smile.

"We should move the rest of your stuff." Nathan responded suddenly rising to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Peyton asked worriedly.

"I'm fine." Nathan smiled grimly. Although they both knew it was a lie.

_**XoxoxoxoxoX**_

Nathan aggressively slammed Rachel against the door, his mouth covering hers in a forbidden kiss. They stumbled further into his apartment, nearly tripping over one of the end tables. The strong odor of liquor was seeping through Nathan's pores and it tasted even stronger in his mouth. This had been going on for about a month. Nathan would drink so heavily that he was completely belligerent and then he and Rachel would hook up. She was being used. She wasn't a stupid girl. She knew this. She didn't know his reason, maybe it was just helping to feel something other than grief for a moment, but Nathan was definitely using her. The same way he used alcohol to escape the pain. When she said if he needed _anything_, she'd be there, she wasn't expecting it to turn into this. She was ashamed on many different levels because of this, but right now Nathan felt too good to care.

He roughly backed her up against the kitchen counter. Rachel noticed every time that they had hooked up like this, Nathan kept his eyes tightly almost the entire time, even during the actual sex. Perhaps he was ashamed or even worse felt as if he was betraying Haley.

For him it was about feeling something, anything other than this constant aching pain. Since he was unable to do this emotionally and mentally, sex was the one thing that could physically make him feel something different even if just for a moment.

He grabbed Rachel's hips, lifting her up and onto the counter. Her hot tongue dipped into his mouth and he moaned lifting her shirt over her head in one swift motion. He left a trail of kisses down her neck and her breasts before taking his own shirt off. She pulled at his belt buckle, pulling it through the loops if the pants and discarding it to the floor.

Nathan lifted her short denim skirt up over her ass exposing her black thong. She captured Nathan's lips once more and their tongues went to war, wrestling for control. She breathlessly ended the passion-laced kiss by biting down on his lower lip, hard. She almost swore she could taste blood but he didn't complain or seem to be in pain.

She forcefully unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Nathan snaked his hand over the waistband of her panties and grabbed it breaking the elastic while ripping them off of her body. Her core was throbbing for him in an almost painful way.

"Fucking asshole, those were expensive!" Rachel hissed breaking the kiss.

"Shut up." Nathan growled and without warning he had shoved his way inside of her. Rachel screamed a cry bordering pleasure and pain as she bit down on Nathan's shoulder, hard. Nathan hissed and began pumping inside of her harder causing her to dig her nails into his back. She kept her teeth clenched into Nathan's skin in a desperate attempt to keep from being too loud. But with the way Nathan was working it, he obviously wasn't going to let that happen. So, she cried out, because he felt good inside of her.

"Nathan." She moaned loudly unaware she had even been able to get out an actual word.

"Shut up." Nathan breathed into her hair while moaning. He continued roughly moving inside of her, each stroke applied more expertly and felt better than the next. Her hips rocked into his thrust for thrust as he slammed into her against the counter harder, faster, rougher each time. The back of her head hit the cupboard door above her but she didn't seem to mind or notice. It was a good thing she wasn't fragile.

She cried out raking her nails down his back and he hissed once again, causing her to smile. He was close now and so was she. She might not have liked the circumstances, but God he was good. With one last thrust they both cried out in pleasure. Her core tingled as sensational pleasure rushed through both of their sweat-covered bodies. She unwrapped her legs from around his waist and his slipped out of her. They were both panting and breathless, chests heaving. Her arms still rest around his neck and she went to rest her head on his shoulder. He immediately backed away as if she had burned him with her gentle touch. He pulled his pants up and began getting dressed.

"No cuddling. That's not what this is." Nathan warned.

"Then what is it exactly?" Rachel asked curiously.

"Sex., meaningless sex, and nothing more. We've discussed this." Nathan huffed barely slurring his speech, which was amazing considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed. "You should call a cab." He added abruptly. Rachel nodded slowly slipping herself off of the counter.

"Nathan, you don't have to be like that. We're mature adults. I'm not expecting some kind of marriage proposal or any kind of relationship at all. We're friends and I worry about you. What you're doing to yourself isn't healthy Nathan…" Rachel explained with genuine concern.

"Save it." Nathan cut her off his jaw clenched. "I won't remember a word you said tomorrow anyway." He shrugged. She sighed with a nod, gathering the rest of her things and leaving him alone in his apartment.

She was worried about him, scared for him even. He had been grieving for a year now and things had just progressively gotten worse. Nathan Scott was spiraling downward and all she could do was helplessly watch him self-destruct.

_**XoxoxoxoxoX**_

**A/N: **_Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed and please review! If you don't review then I will never update! Muhuhuhahaha! (I kid Sarah! LOL) _

_**WRITIE**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

The sun shone through the blinds casting a shadow across her face. Rachel stared up at the ceiling, her head heavy with thoughts. Peyton lay in the bed closely beside her, eyes shut and sleeping soundly. She was tired, and she didn't have to be up for at least another hour but she couldn't sleep. She was starting to feel like Nathan was the only thing she thought about. She hated feeling this way because falling for Nathan was the worse possible thing that could happen. At least if she didn't have feelings for him she could look the other way instead of witnessing the walking disaster he had become.

She hadn't voiced her concerns out loud for fear they might be true, but she was growing more afraid that his drinking was becoming a problem. He drank regularly almost everyday. He began drinking after Haley's accident. In fact, alcohol was the reason he wasn't playing professional basketball anymore. One night after Haley had passed away Nathan went out drinking with some of the players on his team. Then, he was stupid enough to get behind the wheel of his car and drive while being intoxicated. He ended up swerving off of the road and ramming his car into a tree. He was lucky to have even survived, but the accident had re-injured his bad knee to the point where he could no longer play on it. Now he coached for the Ravens at Tree Hill High. Rachel had never told anyone but after his accident Nathan admitted he was aiming for the tree. He wanted to die that night and the alcohol just gave him the nerve to do it. She had never told anyone that. She remembered scolding him and yelling a lot.

"_How could you do something so stupid? What about James? Did you ever think of him and how hard it would be to lose both parents, or how he would feel knowing his father took his own life? Do you really want him to be an orphan!? Your child needs you Nathan. How could you even think of doing that to him? And did you ever stop to think about the rest of the people in your life and how they would feel?" _

She remembered saying much more and how guilty he had felt. At one point he had even kissed her just to shut her up. Which had worked for about 5 minutes from the shock value and then she started ranting all over again. He made her promise not to tell, and she did. She didn't even tell Peyton, and she told Peyton everything. She was sure, at least she hoped, that he would never do anything like that again. Although his dependency on alcohol and self-destructive behavior still left her with reason to be worried.

Why couldn't she just like the nice guys without any emotional baggage? Guys like Mouth, who only wanted to take care of her and would never hurt her? She had enough baggage of her own to worry about. No, instead she had to fall for all of the guys she couldn't have, who were unavailable one way or the other. Then, the guys she fell for who were available always ended up hurting her. Most of her relationships in the past had been filled with emotional, verbal, mental and sometimes physical abuse. She sure knew how to pick them.

She was so lost in her thoughts she barely noticed Peyton stir next to her, until she felt her best friend's eyes on her. She adverted her eyes from the ceiling to turn her head and look at Peyton. Peyton was eyeing her thoughtfully and Rachel offered a small smile.

"Good morning, so how long have you been staring at me like that?" Rachel inquired with a soft smile.

"Long enough to wonder what's going on in that pretty head of yours." Peyton grinned turning to lie on her side as Rachel did the same.

"Everything. I can't stop thinking about the things that I really want to stop thinking about. What I should be thinking about is passing my NAVLE exam." Rachel sighed feeling frustrated.

"You have time to worry about that. So…these things that you wish you could stop thinking about, they wouldn't have to do with the bruises you have on your body now would they? You know the bruises from all the hot sex you've been having with Nathan?" Peyton pressed wearing a playful grin. Rachel flushed at this. "I thought you said you weren't going to sleep with him anymore." She added more seriously.

"I know." Rachel groaned feeling more frustrated with her own actions and apparent lack of self-control. "And you'd think it'd be easy with the way he treats me sometimes but it's not." She pouted.

"I just really don't think it's a good idea. I'm afraid he's going to end up hurting you. Because he's nowhere near wanting a relationship and Haley's death still completely runs his life. He can't even go a week without drinking to ease the pain." Peyton pointed out.

"I keep thinking someday maybe he'll be ready, you know? And if I'm just patient and I wait, and help him through this maybe someday he'll see me. The real me." Rachel admitted softly. "When he looks at me Peyton, he doesn't even see me. It's like he looks right through me. I'm not there unless he wants sex." She continued. Rachel had been slowly developing feelings for Nathan over the last year, and now she was finally admitting it out loud. She could tell Peyton anything without being judge. Peyton chewed her lip silently thinking about what Rachel had just said, even though she and Rachel had both known of her growing feelings for Nathan without Rachel really having to admit it.

"I love Nathan to death but he's no good for you." Peyton shook her head.

"I can feel it even when were having sex. It's like he's there but he's not, you know?" Rachel explained.

"He's there physically, nothing more. He's using you." Peyton nodded.

"And the messed up part is, I know that. He's made it clear." Rachel replied.

"You have feelings for him. That makes it harder to just walk away." Peyton answered understandingly. "I get that. But I think your gonna have to at least try. Just be his friend for the time being." She insisted.

"He doesn't want my friendship. All I'm good for is one thing when it comes to men." Rachel admitted breaking eye contact and looking away from Peyton.

"That's not true." Peyton scolded raising her voice and her tone becoming more serious. "And the more you keep letting yourself believe that, the longer you're going to allow yourself to be mistreated. You can do so much better than that Rachel." She added honestly. Tears had formed in Rachel's eyes, it was kind of embarrassing she still harbored some of the same issues and insecurities she had when she was in high school.

"I know I shouldn't be sleeping with Nathan. Even if I stop I'm still gonna think about him all of the time. I'll still have feelings for him." Rachel reasoned.

"Well, maybe some day he will be ready." Peyton said hopefully.

"Yeah, right. When he is, it probably won't be with me anyway. I'm not the girl guys end up wanting to settle down with." Rachel retorted feeling a little bitter.

"You really under estimate yourself. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." Peyton sighed scooting closer to her and resting her head on Rachel's shoulder.

"Me too." Rachel agreed quietly resting her head against Peyton's.

"I miss Lucas." Peyton admitted with a sigh.

"I know you do." Rachel smiled. "You should just talk to him." She reasoned.

"And say what? I know I encouraged you to follow your dreams but now I'm mad at you for it." Peyton exclaimed crossing her arms over her chest.

"Is that really what this is?" Rachel questioned.

"That's what Nathan thinks, that I'm just being selfish." Peyton pouted in a broody way.

"You don't have a selfish bone in your body." Rachel chuckled. "So what gives? Spill it Sawyer." She pressed.

"I'm happy for him. I really, really am. I mean how many authors can say they were on the New York Times bestseller list before they were 25? Or that the book was so good it's being turned into a movie? He's doing amazing, and I don't want to begrudge him that. I don't want to hold him back." Peyton explained sadly. "And at the same time I feel betrayed. I know it's wrong. But I do." She frowned furrowing her brow.

"What makes you feel that way? It's not like he's done anything wrong that I don't know about right?" Rachel asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, it's nothing like that. For such a long time Lucas has always been the one person I could count on, to stick by me through anything. When everything and anyone else let's me down he never does. He's been the one constant thing that I've always been able to count on. I'm so in love with him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know he's the love of my life." Peyton admitted adamantly. "But when he left it was like he was just like everyone else in my life, just another one of the people who always leave. He was supposed to be different because he's Lucas. At first I thought I could deal with it but then weeks of being away turned into months and it got harder. And because of it I started pushing him away. So that's why I ended things. I can't ask him to come back or not to travel for his work. I won't hold him back so it's just easier to let go. I guess I should have known eventually it would happen right? It's happened with everyone else I've been close to so why not him? I just really thought it'd be different with us." She explained softly with sad disappointed eyes.

"Peyton I mean this in the nicest way possible but that's ridiculous. Lucas is still in love with you, he didn't just leave you. Had you not encouraged him he would have never left." Rachel pointed out once again.

"Yeah well neither would have my father. The circumstances don't matter. Lucas was supposed to be different." Peyton pouted in an almost child-like way.

"Well, at least talk to the poor guy about it. He's head over heels in love with you and you won't even return his phone calls. He's probably going nuts. You're his freaking muse for God's sake." Rachel cried causing Peyton to blush with a smile.

"I am not." Peyton retorted.

"Um, have you read his books?" Rachel inquired quirking an eyebrow. "How is he going to write without his muse?" She teased.

"I'm sure he'll manage." Peyton replied dryly with smirk.

"You're a hard one, remind me not to get on your bad side." Rachel grinned playfully.

"This is me when I'm sweet." Peyton smiled innocently.

"Heaven help us if that's true." Rachel laughed and suddenly the alarm on the nightstand went off. Rachel grumbled reaching over Peyton to turn it off.

"Rach, if you were looking for a reason to touch me all you had to do was ask." Peyton smiled playfully wiggling her eyebrows.

"What fun would that have been?" Rachel laughed. "Ever since you've been staying with me I don't think I have slept in my room once." She pointed out with a chuckle.

"It's because you can't resist me. It's okay I understand. What can I say? I'm just lovable." Peyton shrugged with a wink. "I guess it's time to face the real world." Peyton signed.

"I really don't want too." Rachel grumbled.

"Being an adult sucks." Peyton agreed.

They both rolled out of bed and began getting ready for their days. Peyton had a lot of things to do at Tric, including a few new bands she was going to be trying out. She was now the owner of Tric; she had brought Karen out not too long ago. Peyton had done a good job of making Tric even more popular then it was when they were in high school. It was now the spot for rising artists to go if they wanted to be discovered.

"Peyton, what's this and why is it in the garbage?" Rachel asked while Peyton was in the middle of brushing her teeth. Peyton poked her head out of the bathroom. "Oh my God is this the artwork for Luke's new book?" She concluded after examining the drawing.

"Yeah." Peyton answered simply.

"Why is it in the garbage?" Rachel asked.

"It doesn't mean anything to anybody does it?" Peyton questioned. A question she had once posed to Lucas about her art right before he told her that her art matter. Rachel frowned at this. "I don't want him to have it." She shrugged. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Ok, can I please have mature Peyton back?" Rachel replied to which Peyton flipped her off. "Now that wasn't very nice." She called pretending to be hurt. Peyton had been doing original artwork for Luke's books, designing the cover and such. Which actually led to other author's contacting her to do the same and now it had been something she started doing on the side.

Rachel had a shift at Karen's and then she had clinical rotations. She was in her last year of veterinary school. Then she had her routine appearance a Tric, where she would listen to great music, hang out with Peyton and try to keep her pants on around Nathan. Rachel was just about ready when Peyton emerged from the bathroom.

"Okay, what is with the non-form fitting clothes? You should be showing off that hot body of yours and let Lucas know what he is missing." Rachel pointed out.

"He's not here." Peyton reminded.

"You know what I mean." Rachel insisted.

"Leave me alone. I'm in my depressed break up stage." Peyton offered. "And I'm not even going to put on any make up." She teased with a smile.

"The horror!" Rachel laughed playfully. They were both finally ready and heading for the door when the phone began to ring. Peyton walked over and looked at the caller ID.

"Who is it?" Rachel inquired. The answering machine picked up and Luke's voice filled the room answering her question. Peyton immediately picked up the phone and hung it up. Rachel's mouth dropped open.

"Peyton!" Rachel scolded.

"Shut it!" Peyton warned. Rachel couldn't help feeling bad for Lucas. Right as Peyton was about to out the phone down it rang again. She once again checked the caller ID. "It's Brooke." She said in surprised. She picked up the phone answering it and headed in the other room. She returned 5 minutes later. "You ready?" She asked Rachel.

"She didn't want to talk to me?" Rachel asked.

"She couldn't talk long. She had a bunch of stuff going on with some fashion show she is doing. She just wanted to see how everyone was doing. I told her everything's fine." Peyton explained.

"So you lied." Rachel smirked in amusement. "You'll talk to Brooke but not Lucas?" She pointed out raising an eyebrow.

"Brooke isn't Lucas." Peyton shrugged simply. Rachel chuckled rolling her eyes as they headed out the door to begin the day.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

Nathan and his 5-year-old son James were seated at a booth in Karen's Café, waiting for the breakfast. Nathan was nervous because today was supposed to be James first day of kindergarten. He wasn't exactly sure how to handle this. He knew Haley probably would have been very emotional and worried all day long and then when James got home she would shower him with hugs and kisses. Nathan smiled at the thought. Then frowned knowing she and James would never get to experience that. Once again, his fault.

"You okay Dad?" James asked looking up at his father while playing with the fork that had been lying on the table.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Nathan mustered a smile. "So, are you excited for your first day of school big guy?" He asked rummaging through James book bag to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything.

"I guess." James shrugged sounding indifferent.

"Who got you these things?" Nathan asked referring to some of the supplies he didn't recognize.

"Rachel and Aunt Peyton." James answered and Nathan had figured as much and couldn't help but feeling a bit annoyed by it. It didn't really bother him that Peyton had gotten James school supplies but the fact that Rachel had didn't sit too well with him.

"That was nice of them, did you say thank you?" Nathan questioned acting unfazed.

"Yes." James nodded with a smile. "Rachel said she would help me with homework if I ever need it." He beamed with a certain glow in his big brown eyes that Haley used to get. He definitely got his eyes from Haley. Nathan clenched his fist feeling agitated.

"I'm your father. I'll help you with your homework." Nathan smiled patting him on the head and before James could say anything, Rachel approached them carrying a tray of food.

"Here you go little man, scrambled eggs with extra ketchup, just how you like it." Rachel smiled sweetly placing the plate in front of James, followed by a glass of orange juice. She then placed Nathan's coffee in front of him with a quick glance. "You sure you don't want any food?" She asked referring to Nathan.

"I'm good, thanks." Nathan shrugged her off.

"Thanks Rachel." James grinned stuffing some toast in his mouth. "What is a veterinarian?" He asked mispronouncing the word in an adorable child-like fashion, which caused Rachel to smile. "Aunt Peyton says you want to be one." He added.

"A veterinarian is an animal doctor. They take care of animals if they're sick or injured, or just need a shot for some reason. Kind of like the way doctors take care of us, except we take care of animals." Rachel tried to explain as simply as possible.

"So you take care of cats and dogs?" James asked with big eyes.

"Oh yeah, all sorts of animals." Rachel grinned.

"I love dogs." James nodded.

"Really? I'm actually doing some volunteer work with an animal shelter to help find pets homes. If it's alright with your Dad, maybe I can get you a puppy." Rachel offered with a smile and James nearly jumped out of his seat.

"Can we get a puppy Daddy?" James begged excited.

"I don't know. We'll see. Now hurry up and eat. Your food is getting cold." Nathan answered sending Rachel a look. James sat back down and reluctantly began to eat.

"Come on Nathan, be a cool Dad." Rachel urged.

"Pleeeeeease Daddy?" James pressed.

"I said, we'll see. Keep bugging me about it and then answer will be no." Nathan answered in an authoritative tone causing James to immediately stop asking. "Rachel, I don't need you telling me what I should or shouldn't do for my son, thank you." He added turning his attention to Rachel.

"I was just trying to help…" Rachel explained.

"We've already been served. Your presence is no longer needed over here. You can get back to work." Nathan cut her off coldly.

"Right, sorry." Rachel sighed feeling tired of the way Nathan treated her. "I hope you have fun at school today James!" She exclaimed with a smile turning her attention back to the little boy. "I want to know how it went." She added tousling his hair with her hand before walking away.

"Why are you mean to Rachel?" James asked suddenly.

"I'm not." Nathan replied caught off guard by the question. "You know your mom was going to be an elementary school teacher. I think it's important for you to know things about her. She was an amazing woman." He added changing the subject.

"Why isn't Mommy here with us?" James asked with innocent eyes that would have made Nathan's heart break if it weren't already broken.

"Your mother loved us. She didn't want to leave us. As unfair as it was death is a part of life and I guess it was just her time." Nathan replied painfully.

"If God is good, why would he take Mom away from us?" James questioned.

"There are things in life that adults don't even understand sometimes." Nathan answered. He was a grown man and this conversation was making him feel like crying. James deserved to know answers to these types of questions. James deserved to be able to learn about his mother without Nathan becoming a mess. "You've thought a lot about this." He commented.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to get you upset by talking about Mom." James answered and Nathan smiled at what a smart 5-year-old he had. Yeah, that was definitely all Haley.

"You don't ever have to be scared to talk about your mother of ask me about her. You can talk to me about any bud, I want you to know that." Nathan smiled softly.

"Is Rachel going to be my new Mommy?" James asked looking up at his father. Nathan's head snapped up in surprise.

"What would make you think that?" Nathan asked almost alarmed.

"Because she spends time with us and she seems to like you. She really nice and funny." James answered with a smile looking somewhat hopeful.

"No! Haley Scott is your mother. Your one and only mother and no one will ever take her place." Nathan answered raising his voice harshly immediately shutting James up. A tense silence washed over them and Nathan felt awful. James frowned poking at his eggs with a fork. Nathan let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry." Nathan apologized softly. James was quiet for a moment.

"I like Rachel." James answered simply. They finished the rest of their breakfast in silence.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

Peyton ran off stage after introducing the band that was scheduled for that night at Tric and they began playing their first set. She headed back over toward the bar where Karen and Rachel were serving drinks. Tric was packed to the point where there was barely any breathing room and the crowd was electric. Peyton was definitely a natural when it came to this stuff, and Karen was continually impressed.

"You know when you first asked to buy me out I wasn't sure if you'd be able to handle running your own business. You're so young and inexperienced. You've really impressed me Peyton." Karen smiled admirably. Peyton blushed and looked away

"Thank you." Peyton grinned graciously joining her behind the bar.

"Lucas called." Karen announced studying Peyton for a reaction. She refused to look Karen in the eye. "He really misses you. He says he's been trying to get a hold of you." She continued.

"Oh, really?" Peyton replied dumbly not really knowing what to say. This was Luke's mother after all and from where she was standing it probably looked like Peyton was playing ping-pong with his heart.

"This is really hard for you isn't it?" Karen offered sympathetically.

"I'm used to it." Peyton shrugged.

"I miss him too." Karen admitted. "I know he didn't want to leave me, his little sister, Nathan and especially you. We practically had to force him on that plane, remember?" She chuckled and Peyton laughed softly with sadness in her eyes. "But I think it's important that he went. He's given so much of himself to the people he loves, that it's nice to see him be able to have something like this that's just for him." She added gently.

"Yeah, your right." Peyton laughed adverting her eyes.

"He said you called off the engagement." Karen frowned looking disappointed and she seemed to be waiting for Peyton to answer.

"I just…I really don't want to talk about this right now." Peyton admitted.

"That's okay." Karen nodded understandingly. "But if you ever do, you know I am here?" She reminded.

"Of course." Peyton smiled finally looking at her.

"Do you guys need me to do anything else before I leave?" Rachel interrupted. She had been scurrying around them handing out the customer's drinks.

"I don't think so honey." Karen shrugged.

"Nope, we're all set. Thanks for all the help." Peyton answered with a smile slapping Rachel on the ass playfully as she walked back, and Rachel shot her a smile. "Can you just do me one favor before you go?" She requested.

"I thought you said you were all set." Rachel laughed smoothing out her skirt.

"I know! Just go into my office and grab my planner for me? Then you're free." Peyton pouted.

"Your lucky I love you." Rachel smirked pointing at her sharply before heading off in the direction of Peyton's office.

"Peyton!" Nathan called sitting down at the bar. Peyton turned her attention to Nathan and approached him. He was clearly intoxicated. "Give me a vodka and orange juice. That asshole bartender was saying I'm cut off." He whined.

"You are cut off." Peyton informed him. "I will not be responsible for you becoming a raging alcoholic." She hissed with concern.

"I am not an alcoholic." Nathan stated angrily. "Give me a drink or I'll go somewhere else and get it." He shrugged simply.

"Then take your drunk ass elsewhere." Peyton snickered. "Where is James right now?" She questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Where do you think he is? He's with his grandmother." Nathan answered referring to Deb. "Don't speak to me like I'm an unfit father Peyton." He snapped furiously and his face was burning crimson.

"Then quit acting like one." Peyton growled and this comment only seemed to make him angrier. "God, Haley must be rolling over in her grave right now, if she could see what you've become." She shook her head with disdain. The remark was below the belt to say the least and perhaps she had gone too far. Maybe it was a mixture of everything she had going on in her own life and she was just taking her frustrations out on him. But she was tired of holding her tongue. Somebody had to say it. Nathan stared at her, mouth ajar like he couldn't believe she had just said such a thing. His eyes burned with fresh tears. He got up quickly violently knocking the bar stool over and stormed off.

XoxoX

Rachel shuffled through the things on Peyton's desk. She had seen Peyton's planner plenty of times. It was one of those fancy digital toys that cost a pretty penny. It was like Peyton's lifeline. She just couldn't seem to find the damn thing. After checking on top of the desk twice she finally moved to the inside of the desk, rummaging through the drawers. Bingo! After looking through the drawers and moving things around she finally found the small device. Right when she was about to leave the door violently swung open causing her to jump back with a start. Nathan joined her in the office slamming the door behind him.

"Nathan…" Rachel uttered in surprised.

"Peyton just called me a bad father." Nathan cried angrily. He knew Rachel would be in Peyton's office because he had overheard their earlier exchange.

"I'm sure whatever she said, she didn't mean it that way." Rachel offered gently leaning against the front of the desk.

"I'm a good father." Nathan insisted heatedly.

"I know. Your great with James." Rachel nodded trying to calm him down. "I think she's just a little concerned about the constant drinking." She added timidly trying not to cause any waves.

"I am not an alcoholic. I have control over my drinking. And when I do go out I always make sure I have a babysitter. She has no right…James is my son!" Nathan yelled.

"She has to right to be concerned." Rachel tried to reason.

"She has no reason to be. James is none of her business. She isn't his mother, and neither are you!" Nathan snapped and Rachel looked stunned. Her face twisted with emotion and she felt hurt. "Playing with him, spending time with him, buying him school supplies? Your not his mother and you never will be." He snarled coldly.

"I care about James, that doesn't mean I am trying to be his mother or take Haley's place. He should be allowed to have women in his life who care about him and can serve as some sort of mother figure. It doesn't mean Peyton, Karen, Deb or I, are trying to be his mother! And the fact that you would begrudge him that is just wrong." Rachel cried tears brimming her eyes. She had babysat James countless times and had become very close to him. She loved him and the little boy seemed to adore her. So, hearing Nathan speak to her like this about James was hurtful. "Your drunk, and I don't have to stand here and listen to this." She exclaimed emotionally rushing to brush passed him but he caught her arm and roughly pulled her back so that she was in front of him. He held her arms tightly smashing his lips against hers and she groaned against him. She felt her defenses weaken and she was limp against him, giving in. She suddenly pushed him away as hard as she could.

"No, I can't do this anymore!" Rachel refused. "All you do is use me, and then tear me down. Whatever this is, the hooking up? It has to stop. Find another way to cope. I'm done being your punching bag." She shook her head. Nathan placed a hand on her shoulder sliding it down her slender arm and then slipping it around her waist. He wasn't listening. He roughly pulled her to him, her core smashing against his own. She whimpered because her core was throbbing, not from pain but from wanting him. Her body was betraying her and she hated herself for that. She hated him ever more. "This has to stop." She uttered her words not holding much conviction. She couldn't think with him this close.

"Yeah, right." Nathan laughed in her face reaching his hands underneath her skirt and pulling down her panties. She couldn't seem to find her willpower. He was making her too hot. The sick part was he had just been a complete ass to her, but what else was new? He pressed his lips against hers once more and this time she couldn't fight it anymore. What was the use? He'd win anyway. She returned the kiss dropping Peyton's planner to the floor.

He backed her up against the desk their kisses were urgent passion-filled. She practically tore his belt from his body, dropping his pants to his knees. Nathan lifted her off of the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She felt him at her entrance and dug her nails into his back when he slammed into her. He pumped inside of her a few times and a thin sheet of sweat had already covered both of their bodies.

He impulsively swiped his arm across the desk sending everything to the floor, throwing her against it not so gently. He climbed on top of her entering her again fast and rough. He lifted her leg for better access brutally driving into her in a way that made her toes curl. She arched her back leaning her head against the hard surface of the desk.

He pumped harder mercilessly and she rocked her hips against his keeping up with his pace and further intensifying the pleasure. She grabbed a chunk of his hair pulling it hard and he growled digging his hands into her hips. He skillfully pumped his way in and out of her, each thrust seeming more intense than the next. Her delicate skin rubbed against the hard surface of the desk and it was unforgiving. She moaned loudly clawing at his shirt and ripping it open sending buttons flying everywhere. She took her nails and raked them down his chest to his abdomen and he hissed. She had scratched him so hard she left marks and she thought might have even seen a hint of blood. He deserved it for the way he had spoken to her, although she knew it really hadn't effected him all that much.

She paid for it when he pulled out of her suddenly and she almost screamed. What was he doing? He harshly slammed back into her so hard she cried out mix of pleasure and pain. Had it not felt so good she would have slapped him. A few more vigorous thrusts with extra force and they both climaxed crying out from the intense pleasure. They were both panting, trying to catch their breath. Nathan pulled out immediately and began pulling up his pants, leaving her a shameful mess on Peyton's once well-organized desk. She rolled off the desk, searching for her panties never once looking at him.

"Yeah, you were really serious about not doing this anymore." Nathan spoke tauntingly causing her to look over at him. He was holding the black panties she had been looking for. He threw them in her face with a smile. She caught them with a venomous glare and felt disgusted by his lack of respect for her. She might have let him have his way with her on occasion, but she had also been a good friend and stuck by him through this entire ordeal no matter what he dished out. "Come on, don't give me that look. Isn't this what you've always wanted? When Haley was alive and pregnant with James you were practically begging for it. Remember? You didn't care that I had a family." He spat. Their eyes locked and she was enraged.

"That's not fair! That was years ago. I was 18, and I was selfish. All I cared about was what I wanted. When I found out she was pregnant I backed off. Both you and Haley forgave me. It was 5 years ago! I was a different person back then." Rachel cried.

"So now you've change?" Nathan chuckled approaching her. "Need I remind you, that you just let me fuck you on top of that desk? You haven't changed. Your still a whore." He shrugged spewing hateful words and taking out all of his anger on her wearing a cocky smile that made her sick to her stomach. She slapped him as hard as she could with hot tears streaming down her face. The door to the office suddenly swung open.

"What the hell is this?" Peyton cried in surprise her eyes landing on Nathan and Rachel, then immediately moving to the wreckage that was once her desk. Nathan bushed passed her silently leaving the room. Peyton's eyes fell upon Rachel. She was hugging herself, softly crying. She looked completely broken and Peyton's heart ached for her. Rachel grabbed the planner off of the floor. She handed it to Peyton.

"Here." Rachel offered not wanting to look Peyton in the eyes with her tear stained face.

"Rach, I think you said…" Peyton because sympathetically.

"Don't, just please don't lecture me right now." Rachel shook her head crying harder wishing the tears would stop coming. Peyton pulled her into a comforting hug, rubbing soothing circles around her back. Peyton whispered that she was sorry, that it was going to be okay and she was there for her. Rachel hugged her back crying into her shoulder.

"Ew, on my desk." Peyton groaned causing Rachel to laugh.

"I'm an idiot. I let this happen." Rachel frowned.

"No, your not. He is. You have feelings for him and he uses it against you. You just have to be strong and stand your ground." Peyton hushed supportively. "Come on, let's get you home." She cooed softly putting her arm around Rachel and leading the way out the door. Rachel felt completely ashamed of herself. The worst part was not matter what Nathan put her through she still cared. How messed up was that?

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 

**A/N: **_Thanks to __**Amber, angeldylan628, setherfan91, Let Go Tonight, xPerfectlyImperfectx, Allison, JennVanessa, lilwolf, lily, Nic, Laurie**__ and __**Sarah**__ for the reviews! It really means a lot to mean. _

_Amber-LOL is Haley really killed that often in fics? Oh well, I thought it was necessary and added well to the plot. Lol_

_Setherfan91- interesting observation. I'm glad you were wondering what was going on with James in all of this and hopefully this chapter answered that. Deb, Karen, Peyton and even Rachel often watch him. Mostly Deb. That is when Nathan can't. _

_Nic-even in your reviews you are eloquent. _

_Soultwin- you are amazing and I love your review. It made me smile. I am so happy you like this and thank you for really getting me into wanting to write this story. You're the best. _

_It looks like everyone liked that counter top sex. Lol_

**Preview:**_Nathan makes a mistake causing everyone to worry their concerns have been right, Peyton continues to avoid Lucas but there may be more going on beneath the surface, Rachel struggles juggling school, work and Nathan. Will she end up sleeping with him again or be strong enough to stay away? All that and much more. Please remember to review if you are reading. Sarah gets grumpy when I don't update. :P _


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Peyton sat at her desk reading a magazine article. Her eyes lit up with pride taking in every word. It was funny how his achievements felt like they were her success too. As if they had become some sort of unit. Her smile however, held a vague sadness. She couldn't talk to him about this because she was afraid it would make him drop everything and come back. In essence this is what part of her wanted him to do because she loved and missed him so much. But that was selfish. She set the magazine aside holding back the tears that threatened to spill upon her face. It was probably wrong of her to give him the silent treatment the way she had been. She just didn't know what to say. She needed time to think, clear her head and figure this all out. Her eyes wandered from the magazine and gazed upon the unopened letters Lucas had written to her while he was away. She couldn't bring herself to read them. It was just easier not too. She was afraid of what they might make her feel. He had such a way with words, especially when he was speaking of his feelings for her.

She dried her eyes and furrowed her brow scanning her desk. She once again sprayed the surface with sanitizer and began to scrub. She had already cleaned the desk several times since that night, but the idea of two people getting it on, on top of her desk warranted the desk being cleaned multiple times. She briefly wondered if she should purchase a new one. This one was tainted, tainted with Nathan and Rachel sex residue.

"Your seriously cleaning that desk again?" Rachel deadpanned as she entered Peyton's office without knocking. She didn't have to knock because she was Rachel. The sex with Nathan had happened over a week ago and Peyton had already cleaned the thing a million times.

"You guys broke my stapler!" Peyton cried holding up the broken stapler in her hand. "I love this stapler." She pouted looking at the object mournfully.

"I'll buy you a new stapler!" Rachel exasperated.

"It won't be the same." Peyton frowned putting the stapler down.

"All staplers are the same, they staple." Rachel shrugged with a chuckle.

"But I _liked _this one." Peyton insisted.

"Oh, did you and the stapler have a bond?" Rachel smirked quirking an eyebrow.

"Yes, as a matter of fact we did. But it was broken by your bony ass." Peyton replied with a playful smirk.

"It could have been Nathan's ass." Rachel reminded grinning.

"I so didn't need that mental picture." Peyton groaned and they both chuckled. That night had been awful for Rachel but Peyton still managed to make her laugh about it.

"Thanks for always being there for me Peyton. I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes." Rachel admitted seriously looking down at her with soft eyes.

"I can say the same about you." Peyton smiled up at her. Rachel rounded the desk, pulling Peyton into a hug that they both needed.

"What's this?" Rachel asked when they pulled apart, turning her attention to the magazine lying open on the desk. She picked up the magazine and began to look it over.

"Oh…" Peyton flustered. Rachel's eyes lit up while skimming the article, realizing whom the article was about.

"Wow, impressive." Rachel mused.

"Their claiming he's the next Nicholas Sparks or something." Peyton blushed looking away. "He's done amazing for himself." She sighed quietly. Her eyes were glowing with pride.

"I'm sure he'd love to be able to share all of this with you. It has to be killing him that you won't even speak to him Peyton. I know you said you don't want to talk about it and you have your reasons for the way your handling things. But that doesn't make it fair. You're hurting him. He probably feels like you don't even care about him anymore." Rachel explained with concerned.

"Maybe that's for the best." Peyton shrugged sadly.

"Your madly in love with each other, completely miserable when your apart but it's for the best because of his career?" Rachel exclaimed with a laugh. "None of it is worth it without happiness Peyton. None of it." She stated as if it were fact.

"She's right." Derek agreed, as he appeared standing in the doorway of Peyton's office, Peyton's real half brother Derek. Not the lunatic imposter who had stalked her years ago.

"Derek, what a nice surprise." Peyton smiled turning her attention to him. She walked over offering a hug.

"You should listen to her. She's smart." Derek teased releasing Peyton from the hug.

"That's what I've been saying." Rachel shrugged with a grin.

"I kind of need to talk to Peyton…" Derek began.

"No problem, I have a lot of things I need to do today anyway." Rachel shrugged. "Peyt, I'll talk to you later." She added heading for the door and Peyton gave her a nod. As soon as Rachel was gone from the room, Derek was looking at Peyton with disapproving eyes.

"Don't look at me like that." Peyton warned brooding and looking away from him.

"Have you told him yet?" Derek asked in a serious tone looking at her. There was a brief silence and he was beginning to become impatient with Peyton's stubbornness.

"No." Peyton answered honestly.

"He deserves to know." Derek insisted.

"I'll tell him when I'm ready, on my terms, not on anyone else's." Peyton replied firmly.

"But your gonna tell him? Because it would be kind of hard to explain down the road when…" Derek continued.

"I'm gonna tell him." Peyton assured and he sighed feeling defeated. Normally he would fight her tooth and nail, but she wasn't caving on this one. "Now, get over here and help me pick out a band." She smiled sitting down at her desk and he obliged leaning against her desk and viewing some of the material.

"Oh, you might not want to touch my desk." She grinned with a chuckle. And he had no idea what she was talking about.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Rachel parked her car outside of Nathan's house. She was there because she really wanted to see James. She had already gotten done with school for the day and she hadn't gotten to spend much time with him lately. Which was partially because of her busy schedule and Nathan's paranoia that she was trying to be James mother. She also kind of wanted to talk to Nathan, or to be more accurate, yell at him. Their paths hadn't crossed much since the night in Peyton's office and when they did, well they hadn't conversed much. He hadn't even attempted to apologize. But he never did really.

She walked up to the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. Rachel entered the apartment and a gust of black smoke hit her in the face. She coughed rushing to the kitchen and turning off the oven that Nathan had apparently forgotten to turn off. Had she not came the entire building could have burned down.

"Nathan!" Rachel called angrily as she spun around. She looked around the apartment and finally spotted him on the couch. He was passed out and there were a few empty bottles of liquor surrounding him. She approached the couch and shook him hard. "Nathan." She repeated and he grumbled turning away from her.

She huffed turning around and went to look in James room. He wasn't there. She rushed to the couch in alarm. "Nathan, wake up! Where is James?" She screamed. Nathan stirred wincing in pain, then shot up in alarm at the realization.

"Oh my God, what time is it?" Nathan asked. Rachel froze staring at him in shock.

"You forgot to pick him up." Rachel gaped. "What kind of a father are you?!" She exclaimed angrily rushing out the door before Nathan could even react.

She jumped in her car and sped all the way to James school. She spotted him waiting on the front steps with a teacher. He was the last child there and he looked scared, sad and lonely. Rachel's heart sunk. She flew out of the car and as soon as James set eyes on her he perked up jumping from his seat and running into her arms excitedly. Rachel hugged him tightly releasing a heavy sigh of relief.

"Rachel!" James squealed happily.

"Hello, I'm Ms. Lewis. Are you James mother?" Ms. Lewis, James elementary school teacher greeted as she approached. Rachel released James from her embrace and stood up, while he continued to cling to her arm.

"No, I'm not his mother." Rachel answered immediately. "I'm Rachel Gattina." She extended her hand shaking the other woman's. Ms. Lewis looked to be in her late twenty's and was fairly attractive.

"Where's Daddy?" James asked looking up at Rachel.

"Yes, that's what I'd like to know. Where is Mr. Scott?" Ms. Lewis inquired eyeing Rachel, with a look Rachel could only describe as disapproval.

"He got held up at work. He had some sort of meeting I guess. I'm James babysitter. I'm very sorry about this. It won't happen again." Rachel promised sincerely. Ms. Lewis studied her skeptically.

"School let out over an hour ago. I don't know if it was you're negligence or Mr. Scott's, but I'd advise to try and be on time from now on." Ms. Lewis advised with a snooty frown.

"I apologize. It'll never happen again." Rachel repeated sternly.

"Please, have Mr. Scott give me a call at the school." Ms. Lewis nodded before leaving James and Rachel alone. Rachel took James hand and led him to the car. She buckled him in and then climbed into the drivers seat.

"Did Daddy really get held up at work?" James asked quizzically.

"Of course." Rachel lied with a smile. "How do you feel about going to Grandma's house for a few hours?" She offered looking over at him.

"Can't I just stay with you?" James asked with a smile.

"You know I'd love that, but I have to go to work." Rachel offered not mentioning before she went to work she had to go make sure Nathan sobered up. "How about sometime this week you can spend the night with me and Aunt Peyton." She added and he brightened up.

"I'd like that." James nodded excitedly. "Rachel, you still like me right?" He asked suddenly and the question made her heart break.

"Of, course I do! I love you James. Why would you ask me that?" Rachel questioned seriously.

"I was afraid Daddy would make you not like me anymore." James admitted with the sweet innocence of a child.

"That's not possible. Nothing could ever make me stop caring about you." Rachel promised squeezing his shoulder. On the drive to Deb's they talked about how his day was, some girl Katie who seemed to have a crush on him which he thought was gross, and how much he disliked his teacher Ms. Lewis. Rachel had to agree after meeting the woman for only 5 minutes she wasn't too fond of her.

After dropping James off, she headed by over to Nathan's apartment. She walked into the apartment and found that Nathan was no longer on the couch.

"Nathan?" She called walking down the hall to his bedroom.

She found him sitting all alone on his bed, holding the beaded crackerjack bracelet he had given Haley when their relationship had first started. Rachel's eyes softened when her eyes fell upon the broken man that sat before her. She further entered the room and took a seat next to him on the bed, which seemed to startle him. His eyes were transfixed on the bracelet.

"Where's James?" Nathan asked quietly.

"He's fine. He's at Deb's." Rachel answered gently. She scolded herself for being so soft with him. She had to be stern and let him know things like this were unacceptable. "Nathan, what you did was irresponsible and stupid. James deserves better than this. You _forgot _about him! He was sitting there waiting for an hour. What if I hadn't showed up? What if a teacher hadn't waited there with him? Could you really live with yourself if anything were to ever happen to him? Because I know I couldn't." She cried heatedly. He thumbed the small bracelet in his hands.

"Peyton's right, Haley's probably rolling over in her grave right now. She'd be so disappointed in me. She would have never let something like this happen." Nathan sobbed emotionally. Rachel couldn't stop herself from feeling for him. Nathan had her heart without even trying, without even wanting it. She should have been scolding him, not feeling sympathetic. She had a feeling maybe he was beating himself up enough for the both of them. "I'm an awful father." He cried allowing the tears to roll down his face. Rachel's strong demeanor quickly disintegrated.

"That's not true, Nathan. You're a good father. You just made a mistake. An awful mistake yes, but James is fine and that's what's important." Rachel insisted caringly placing a hand on his thigh.

"I'm a mess." Nathan barely whispered.

"We all are sometimes." Rachel offered softly, most of the time she herself felt like she was a mess. "You just have to get it together. You can't let anything like this happen again. Next time it could be worse." She sighed pain reflecting in her eyes.

"She would have never let something like this happen." Nathan repeated to himself still examining the bracelet. "God, I miss her." He breathed.

He placed his hand on Rachel, his thumb stroking her wrist. And before she knew what was happening he was slipping Haley's bracelet over her hand. Rachel stared down at her wrist confused. What was he doing? Suddenly she felt his lips cover hers. His hand was still resting on her wrist stroking the bracelet. She felt his tongue slip passed her lips as they fell back on the bed.

This was a strange feeling. He was being gentle with her. It didn't feel right. Despite this feeling in the pit of her stomach she allowed him to remove her pants and slip off her panties. She continued to kiss him back and she helped him pull his pants down to his knees. She felt him slowly slip inside of her. His eyes were closed tightly and he was still emotional. He began slowly moving inside of her. His hand slipped up her arm, over the bracelet and intertwined with her fingers.

Rachel let out a shallow breath looking up at him, his eyes shut so tightly. Then it hit her. He was pretending she was Haley. Her stomach turned and she felt sick. He had been using her all of those other times. She was never naïve to think that he was actually there with her. Maybe he even had been thinking of someone else. But this, this was different. She felt tears form in her eyes and she shut them. This wasn't exactly enjoyable but she didn't ask him to stop. She was giving him the only thing she was good for. She was there for him the only way he'd let her be.

He pumped in and out of her. His face nestled into her neck. She wasn't sure if he was still crying or not. She silently wondered if this was the way his first time with Haley had been. Soft, gentle, sweet, romantic, and everything that it wasn't when he was with her.

"Haley." Nathan breathed into her hair and she cringed. She shut her eyes and hot tears ran down the side of her face. Nathan thrust his hips against her. He seemed to be going through the motions as he quickened his pace. It made her wonder what was going on in his head.

"How…how could she leave me." Nathan sobbed in a moan against Rachel's neck, more to himself than to her. She was just an object for him to take his frustrations out on after all. His emotions seemed to change from sadness, heartache, and grief to anger all in one swift motion. He was moving inside of her thrusting hard now. His fingers were digging into her hips. She cried out a moan. This was more like the way it usually was when they were together, except in a strange way it wasn't. She could see the anger in Nathan's face and feel it coursing though his body.

He thrust furiously letting his anger take control, swept up by all the emotion. Rachel moaned because he felt good, but then he kept going harder and harder. She could feel herself losing her breath as he violently slammed into her. His face was flushed with every emotion he had been holding in and he gave it to her rough and harder, never relenting. She clawed at his back, crying out in pain.

"Nathan, stop!" Rachel cried. "Your hurting me." She let out a shaky breath. With that, he stopped. He finally opened his eyes looking down at her and all he saw was fear. He collapsed on top of her crying. She could feel his body shaking. He rolled off of her, his hands covering his face. She could hear him softly breaking down. Her own face was stained with tears. Her center was sore. She reached down between her legs, and found that she was bleeding a little. She was sure Nathan hadn't known he caused her to bleed.

She immediately jumped off the bed, throwing her clothes on quickly. She was unsuccessfully trying to hold back tears as she rushed for the door.

"I'm sorry." Nathan called. She stopped briefly looking back at him. He couldn't bring himself to look at her or even move. He was still a wreck, looking up at the ceiling. Rachel's chest heaved as the tears gushed out of her eyes. She ran out of his room and out of the house completely horrified. When she got in the car she broke down. She was crying convulsively. She turned on the car and put her foot on the gas wanting to get away from it all as fast as she could.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Rachel rushed into Karen's Café, throwing on an apron and going right to work. She didn't look any in the eye or say a word. She seemed to be in a dark place and her mind was elsewhere. Peyton noticed this immediately. She grabbed Rachel by the arm pulling her aside.

"Okay, slow down, stop, and breathe. What happened?" Peyton demanded in a serious whisper.

"Nothing." Rachel shook her head looking away from her.

"I know you better than I know myself half the time. Quit lying to me and tell my what's wrong?" Peyton insisted deeply concerned. Rachel shook her head and tears were rolling down her cheeks. Peyton cupped Rachel's face in her hands, her eyes filled with worry. "Does this have anything to do with Nathan?" She questioned causing Rachel's eyes to flick up at her. "It always has to do with Nathan." Peyton frowned. Rachel couldn't seem to speak. She couldn't find the words.

"He forgot to pick up James from school because he had been drinking." Rachel croaked finally. Peyton's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Is James alright?" Peyton cried.

"He's fine. He's with Deb." Rachel answered quickly. "I slept with him again Peyton. I know I shouldn't have but I did. But this time was different, it was so much worse than the other times." She sobbed allowing the tears to fall and Peyton pulled her into a soothing hug.

"As far as I know he always treats you like crap so he must have really out did himself this time." Peyton muttered in disapproval stroking Rachel's hair.

"I can't do this anymore. Tell me how to stop caring about him Peyton. Help me turn it off because it's killing me." Rachel admitted emotionally. Peyton grabbed Rachel's wrist pulling it up to her eyes and examining it.

"Oh, my God is that Haley's…he didn't…" Peyton uttered looking horrified. "Okay, now that's just weird. Pretending your having sex with your dead wife." She exclaimed in a hushed whisper. Before Rachel could say a word in response, Nathan entered the café. His eyes darted at Rachel's wrist.

"Get out!" Peyton yelled immediately.

"Peyton." Rachel uttered. Nathan ignored Peyton, charging right up to Rachel.

"Give me the bracelet. Take it off now." Nathan demanded harshly.

"Nathan, calm down!" Rachel hushed feeling everyone's eyes on them.

"No! You should have never left with it. Take it off now. It's not yours! Your not Haley, and you never will be." Nathan cried visibly upset.

"I don't want to be Haley!" Rachel screamed becoming irate. "You're the one who put the damn thing on me in the first place, so you could pretend I was your dead wife while you were fucking me!" She cried viciously. He angrily grabbed Rachel's arm, pulling the bracelet off of her wrist. The elastic snapped and the plastic beads went flying all over the floor. Nathan stilled, his mouth hanging open in horror. He dropped to his knees trying to gather the beads, emotionally holding back tears. Rachel covered her mouth with her hand before bending down and trying to help him.

"Don't." Nathan snapped. "You want to help? Then get out of my face." He growled. Rachel looked around the café feeling humiliated. She threw off her apron and ran out the door, with Peyton rushing after her. Karen had been looking on the entire time filled with concern.

"Nothing else to see here, move along people." Karen called as she knelt down beside Nathan. Nathan held the beads in his hands and he cried.

"This bracelet has been through hell and back and it survived though everything." Nathan sobbed. "Now it's gone…just like Haley, it's gone." He wept and Karen pulled him into a motherly hug.

"Let's get you out of here." Karen hushed helping him up and bringing him into the kitchen of the café.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Rachel sat at the bar playing with the straw in her cup in deep thought. She was completely and utterly depressed, and was there really any reason she shouldn't be at this point? She couldn't seem to keep herself away from Nathan and he seemed to be the sole cause for her sorrow. Peyton had tried to talk her out of coming, after the scene at the café but Rachel insisted she was fine. The truth was, she wasn't fine. Neither was Nathan, Peyton or even Lucas for that matter. Peyton approached with a smile in an attempt to brighten Rachel's mood.

"Ted is staring at you again." Peyton smiled causing Rachel to look up at her. She looked over and spotted 'Ted' gazing at her longingly. The poor guy had been coming to Tric for the longest time and he had the biggest crush on Rachel. Sometimes it was as if he only came so he could look at her, or have a chance to talk to her. It was cute in a pathetic sort of way.

"Oh, he has a name now?" Rachel sighed dryly putting her focus back on her drink. "I thought it was Ned." She mused with a smirk. It didn't really matter because they had taken to calling him 'creepy stalker guy.' Although he wasn't really that creepy, he was kind of cute. And by the looks of him he was harmless.

"His name is Ted. I've been talking to him and he seems like a really nice guy. Which is exactly what you need. I think you should give him a chance." Peyton encouraged with a bright smile.

"You want me to date creepy stalker guy?" Rachel laughed.

"He's not creepy or a stalker. Trust me I know about stalkers. He's just a shy guy, with a crush on a pretty girl. You can't blame him for being intimidated." Peyton offered with a smile. Rachel shook her head, her eyes becoming more fixated on her drink. "Your still worried about Nathan. After everything that guy has done to you and you still worry about him." Peyton sighed knowingly and Rachel nodded sadly. "I worry about you." She admitted causing Rachel to look her in the eyes.

"I don't know how much more my heart can take." Rachel frowned, her chin quivering. "I'm scared for James." She confessed.

"So am I. More than you know." Peyton answered. "This isn't a good situation or environment for him to be in. You can't even talk to Nathan about it without him flipping out." She shook her head.

"We have to do something about this Peyton." Rachel concluded finally.

"What?" Peyton pondered curiously.

"I don't know yet, but we have too. For James sake." Rachel shrugged getting up from her seat. "If you don't mind I'm gonna leave early." She added.

"No, I understand." Peyton replied immediately. "I hope you feel better." She sighed.

"I don't see how I could feel any worse." Rachel offered trying to muster a smile. Before she left, she didn't know why but she decided to walk over to the man who had been watching her all night long. "Hi, I'm Rachel." She introduced herself.

"I'm Ted." The man fumbled nervously. She took his hand in her own.

"Give me a call sometime Ted." Rachel smiled jotting down her number on his palm.

"I will." Ted nodded happily, his heart practically jumping for joy. Rachel threw Peyton a glance. She had been looking on with a smile. She gave her a nod and with that exited Tric through the back door.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Rachel sat at the kitchen table with an opened textbook, but still hadn't gotten any studying done. She couldn't stop thinking about all the shit that had been going on lately. She was still sore from her encounter with Nathan, but the mental and emotional pain was even worse. She stilled cared about Nathan. She wanted what was best for him. Overall, she was worried and concerned for his and James well being. She felt helpless watching Nathan self-destruct before her eyes. He was crashing on a downward spiral fast. Nathan not caring about himself was one thing, but he had a child to think of.

Then, there was Rachel's heart in all this. She was allowing Nathan to hurt her and she didn't know how to stop, because she couldn't exactly turn her feelings off. If that were the case this might be a lot easier. The only one who seemed concerned about protecting Rachel in all of this was Peyton. Rachel couldn't seem to back off from Nathan. Whether he knew it or not he was taking her down with him. She wondered if he even realized he was hurting her, or if he even cared. He was just being selfish right now, consumed with his own grief and self-loathing. She began crying softly thinking of all this, allowing her head to fall into her hands. Her sobs became harder, her chest was heaving in and out. She was breaking down. Suddenly her cell phone rang. She tried her hardest to stop crying. She wiped the tears off her face before picking it up. The caller ID read 'unavailable.'

"Hello?" Rachel croaked answering the phone.

"Rachel, hey it's Lucas. I have been trying to get a hold of Peyton." Lucas answered and she felt surprised to hear his voice on the other end. "I was hoping maybe you could help?" He pleaded desperately.

"I know. Luke, trust me I've been trying." Rachel responded trying to maintain her composure. "This has been hard on her too. I guess all you can do is give her time. I tried to get her to talk to you, but she's just so stubborn." She offered her voice cracking on the words while she continued to hold back tears.

"Rachel, is everything okay? What's wrong?" Lucas demanded immediately becoming concerned by the sound of her voice. He could hear her sniffling.

"No, everything's not okay. Nothing's okay." Rachel cried hysterically.

"Rachel, what's going on?" Lucas repeated sternly. She let out a shaky breath afraid to answer him. "Rachel?" He insisted.

"Lucas, I'm really worried about Nathan. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do." Rachel sobbed her entire body shaking with emotion.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

**A/N: **I just want to make it clear that Nathan _did not _rape Rachel.

_Special thank to: _**Kaila, Ava, Manu, Nic, JennVanessa, setherfan91, Daniella Consuela, Allison, othstewy, Lena, P. Sawyer, Lizzy2384, oexpresso, speechlesstaylor, nedhu, and SARAH **for the wonderful reviews! It means a lot to me. I adore you guys for the detailed reviews. –hug-

_Daniella Consuela(Rachel) – Of course I remember you! Thanks for reading and review so many of my fics. And thank you for the wonderful review. That is a huge compliment that I am making you like Rachel and the pairing of Nathen/Rachel. –hug-_

_Sarah – once again, you are the best soul twin ever. And I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the long review. It made me smile. _

**Preview: **_Nathan is forced to make a big decision, A secret of Peyton's is revealed, Rachel struggles with the situation she is in while wrestling with her conversation with Lucas, all that and more! Please read and review! _


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

"_Above all else, guard your heart, for it effects everything you do." – Proverbs 4:23_

Rachel walked through the graveyard feeling the gravel crackle beneath her feet. She carried a bouquet of little purple flowers in her hands. She felt the need to come here, not for herself but for him. Because she knew he couldn't. He hadn't been able to visit her grave since she had passed away over a year ago.

She approached the tombstone with a sad smile. She knelt down in front of the stone allowing her fingertips to graze the engraved letters 'Beloved daughter, mother, wife and best friend.' She smiled thinking of how loved this woman truly was. She rested the bouquet of little purple flowers in front of the tombstone.

"I know they were your favorite." Rachel whispered thoughtfully as if Haley was right in front of her. She took a seat in the grass letting out a heavy sigh.

"I think you might know why I'm here. I'm sure your up there looking down feeling just as worried as I am. He loved you Haley. He loved you as much as anyone can love another person." She continued emotionally pausing to take in a deep breath. "And I know you loved him just as much. So, I'm here to ask a favor. Please, help him get through this. Help him get better and help him move on. I think you're the only one who can. If there is a heaven and you are up there looking down on us, please help him. For James sake, and his own." She pleaded with tears in her eyes.

"You're the one he needs and you not here, and I don't know what to do. So please just do whatever you can to save him." She begged sniffling. "Thanks." She added softly in barely a whisper. She sat there for a few moments and continued to talk. She told Haley she was missed, and then shared a few stories about James and what a wonderful boy he was and how proud Haley would be of him.

She fell silent once more, and just continued to sit there in front of Haley's grave. She pulled her knees to her chest resting her chin upon them. She enjoyed the fresh breeze as it blew through her hair and the sun felt warm shining upon her affectionately. She almost felt like Haley was there with her in that moment and had heard every word she had spoken. After all only Haley's smile could light up the sun that way, and the warmth of her spirit making such a beautiful day. Perhaps Rachel was looking too much into it, but even so she wanted to believe it. She believed in it just as much as she wanted to believe in Nathan and that there was still good in him. She rose to her feet and felt a strange calm wash over her. She smiled feeling like things would be okay eventually.

"Thanks for listening Haley." Rachel grinned before trotting away down the path she had came and heading home.

Rachel let out a sigh shutting the front door of the apartment she shared with Peyton. She then threw her bag on the couch with a smile knowing Peyton would yell at her for leaving her things laying around later. She walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water before heading toward Peyton's bedroom, which had practically become her own and vice versa.

"Peyton, you home?" Rachel called opening the door. Peyton let out a shriek as the door swung open. Rachel jumped back startled screaming as well. Then, her eyes fell and she screamed a little louder and started to point.

"Get out!" Peyton roared throwing a towel around her body. She had been wearing a bra and some panties.

"Oh my God." Rachel cried. "You're…" She uttered feeling her chest tighten and she was hyperventilating.

"Don't!" Peyton cried. "Shut the door." She hollered and Rachel did as she was told immediately. She stared at Peyton wide-eyed.

"You're…" Rachel gulped but it was all she could get out before Peyton cut her off.

"Don't you dare say it!" Peyton hissed.

"Well come on Peyton it's kind of obvious!" Rachel gawked. "Oh my God, your pregnant!" She cried throwing her hand over her mouth and Peyton let out a groan.

"I told you not to say that." Peyton shook her head.

"It wouldn't make it any less true." Rachel answered staring at Peyton's growing baby bump she had managed to conceal so well. "How far along are you?" She gasped still feeling completely taken aback by this news.

"I don't know, going on my fourth month maybe?" Peyton shrugged looking away feeling ashamed for keeping this from her.

"When were you gonna tell me?" Rachel questioned feeling upset.

"I don't know…" Peyton began.

"Does Lucas know?" Rachel asked not letting Peyton finish.

"No." Peyton answered shamefully and Rachel clutched her own chest.

"You have to tell him Peyton!" Rachel cried.

"I know, trust me I've already heard it all from Derek." Peyton sighed.

"You told Derek but you didn't tell me? I thought we could tell each other everything Peyton." Rachel answered softly feeling a little hurt and the look in her eyes hurt Peyton even more so.

"I didn't even tell him. He just kind of found out." Peyton offered. "And we can tell each other everything, your like the only person I wanted to tell. You've become like a sister to me you know that. But I knew you would just push me to go to Lucas and I wasn't ready for that, not to mention you already have so much going on this would just be another thing on top of it all." She explained in a heartfelt tone.

"Peyton, no matter what I have going on, I'll always have time for you. Your never a burden. Promise me you won't keep anything like this from me again." Rachel responded softly moving closer to her.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I promise." Peyton apologized gently. "So, where'd you go so early this morning?" She smiled brightly.

"Don't even try changing the subject now Peyton Elizabeth! Your pregnant, this is huge! How could I have not noticed this? I mean yeah you were hiding it well with the big clothes but we sleep in the same bed, and we've hugged. I guess I just thought you were gaining weight." Rachel mused. "You know kind of a like a result of the break up" She added.

"Gee, thanks. You thought I was getting fat." Peyton teased playfully. "Don't feel bad you had a lot going on." She offered.

"Not to mention, you should have told me. I shouldn't have to play detective." Rachel smirked.

"I told you I'm sorry." Peyton apologized again with a frown.

"And you were right about one thing. I am going to push you to tell Lucas because he deserves to know." Rachel insisted.

"I'm not ready to tell him yet." Peyton sighed crossing her arms over her chest.

"When did you plan on telling him, after the baby is born?! He's already missed 4 months of the pregnancy." Rachel reasoned passionately realizing this really wasn't fair to Lucas. "Why haven't you told him? The baby is Luke's right?" She questioned earning herself a smack on the arm.

"No, I forgot to mention it could be like 10 other guys! Of course it's Luke's!" Peyton exclaimed.

"I'm just making sure." Rachel replied defensively with an innocent smile.

"I've just been trying to think of the right way to tell him…" Peyton began to explain.

"You just say 'Lucas I'm pregnant'" Rachel retorted as if it should be obvious.

"You make it sound so easy." Peyton muttered.

"Because it's that simple!" Rachel cried with a slight chuckle. "This is Lucas we're talking about here." She pointed out.

"Yeah, Lucas Scott, the guy whose dreams are finally coming true. His father resented Karen when she got pregnant and his dreams were about to come true. I know he's nothing like Dan. I just don't want to hold him back. He's already lost his first dream with basketball. So yeah, I was freaked out and scared at first and I didn't know what to do. I know I have to tell him. I'm just trying to get the nerve to do it." Peyton explained whole-heartedly.

"Then you better get the nerve real quick." Rachel answered letting out a sigh. "Because he might be coming back a lot sooner than we anticipated." She winced.

"What are you talking about?!" Peyton demanded.

"I spoke with him on the phone not too long ago and told him about what's been going on with Nathan. Of course being the kind of person that he is, he was really concerned. He made it sound like he might be coming back soon to try and help Nathan." Rachel confessed and Peyton's mouth dropped open. She was frozen.

"How is he gonna help Nathan?" Peyton cried. She sucked in a breath trying to calm herself down. "What am I gonna do?" She gasped.

"Just tell him." Rachel insisted.

"You're right, I can do this." Peyton nodded breathing rapidly. Rachel pulled her into a hug, which Peyton accepted graciously.

"Calm down, your freaking out over nothing. Lucas loves you, he wants to spend his life with you. This is good news. He'll be happy, you'll see. You guys are gonna make great parents. Don't forget, you're a part of his dreams. You just need to talk to him." Rachel hushed softly rubbing soothing circles around Peyton's back. Peyton held her tighter and a single tear rolled down her cheek

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Nathan groaned at the sound of a loud knock on the door. It was around 8 o'clock at night and he had already tucked James into bed. Now he was relaxing and enjoying a cold beverage and he didn't particularly like being interrupted. He also didn't want the loud knocking to wake up James. He got up from the couch making his way to the door wondering whom it could possibly be. He didn't exactly have many friends these days, and neither Rachel or Peyton were talking to him at the moment. Nathan pulled the door open and he was hit with a rush of surprise nearly killing his buzz.

"Lucas." Nathan uttered in shock staring at his brother, who stood before him on the porch. It had been months since they had last seen each other. Lucas was off promoting his book and gearing up for a movie that was being based on it. Along with the surprise a flash of pain had gone through him at the sight of his brother. Seeing Lucas reminded him of Haley. Everything made him think of Haley it seemed. But Lucas and Haley were best friends, like brother and sister even. If it hadn't been for Lucas, Nathan might have never had Haley in his life. "W-what are you doing here?" He asked in surprise looking confused and curious. Nathan almost looked as if he had seen a ghost.

"It's nice to see you too Nate." Lucas smiled grimly.

"What happened to the book tour?" Nathan questioned raising an eyebrow.

"I have more important things going on here." Lucas answered simply brushing passed him into the house. "Thanks for inviting me in." He smirked sarcastically.

"What kind of things?" Nathan turned around shutting the door behind them while raising a curious eyebrow. Lucas walked over to the coffee table picking up the glass Nathan had been drinking out of and smelling it.

"Things like my nephew. Vodka huh?" Lucas answered looking over at him and putting the glass down. "Were you planning on getting plastered tonight with your 5 year old son in the next room?" He asked with judging eyes that made Nathan's skin crawl and his temper flare.

"What's that supposed to mean, things like your nephew? James is fine." Nathan retorted heatedly. "I'm a grown man. I'll drink whenever I damn well please. It's none of your business." He snapped.

"No, see that's where you're wrong. This is my business." Lucas responded raising his voice. "Have you even gone a day without drinking since I've been gone?" He snickered shaking his head disapprovingly.

"I drink sometimes. So what?" Nathan replied angrily.

"From what I hear it's a lot worse than that." Lucas answered with concern.

"Who told you that?" Nathan demanded clenching his teeth.

"That doesn't matter. What matters is James safety…" Lucas began.

"James safety? Your really think I'd put MY son in any kind of danger? I'd give my life for that kid. You have no right coming back here and making these kinds of accusations when you don't even know what's going on. I want you out of my house." Nathan growled and now his blood was boiling.

"Really? Forgetting to pick him up from school is your idea of good parenting?" Lucas chuckled sarcastically and Nathan deadpanned. Rachel must have told Lucas, that rotten bitch. Nathan clenched his fist, his chest heaving. If Lucas were standing any closer he'd probably hit him. He was trying hard to control his temper but the truth was he had a lot of pent up rage.

"That was an innocent mistake anyone could have made." Nathan cried.

"Yeah, except you can't seem to make it one week without drinking so you have to pawn that little boy off to everyone else." Lucas snapped.

"Get out! Get the hell out of my house now before I physically remove you." Nathan yelled his face burning crimson.

"I'll be happy to get out as soon as I get what I came for. I came here for James. I'm taking him with me Nathan." Lucas informed him sternly.

"Excuse me?!" Nathan demanded moving closer to Lucas in a violent manner.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Lucas warned.

"You're not taking James anywhere!" Nathan hollered.

"You can't stop me." Lucas replied shaking his head with a slight chuckle.

"I'm his father, in case you've forgotten. You're not taking him anywhere. He's fine. I'm fine. You're not needed here." Nathan snapped.

"I'm taking James and you can have him back once you stop drinking and straighten out your life. This will all be a lot easier if you just cooperate. If you don't, I'll fight you for custody of him. I am his Godfather after all. I'll fight for custody and I'll win because it won't be hard to prove you're an unfit parent." Lucas explained courageously although this was incredibly hard for him. Nathan stood there staring at him for a moment, his mouth ajar. All the color seemed to go from his face and tears brimmed his eyes. Lucas felt his hear tearing in half. He didn't want to have to do this, but Nathan was the one who let it get this far.

"I can't believe you'd do that to me." Nathan finally spoke quietly.

"I don't want too Nathan but you've left me with no choice. Someone has to step in and do something." Lucas answered softly.

"My drinking isn't a problem." Nathan replied staring at the ground.

"We both know that's not true and it's just getting worse." Lucas sighed. "I don't want to make things legal if we don't have too alright? I'm taking him for the time being and when you get your act together you can have him back. You need help Nathan. If you don't go along with it this way then I'm fighting for custody. " He offered his voice filled with concern.

"Lucas, please don't do this to me." Nathan pleaded.

"I'm doing this _for_ you and James. Someday you'll see that. This is what Haley would have wanted me to do. She wouldn't have wanted James around you like this." Lucas insisted softly feeling awful as Nathan began to break right before his eyes.

"Lucas, please. He's all that I have left." Nathan sobbed. Lucas placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and gave it a strong squeeze.

"Then fight for him." Lucas answered simply. He removed his hand from Nathan's shoulder and made his way towards James room, and Nathan didn't try to stop him. He just stood there motionless, and shell-shocked. All of the pain was making his heart heavy and he felt exhausted. Lucas re-emerged a few moments later with a bag in one arm and sleepy James in the other.

"Uncle Lucas is home." James smiled at Nathan groggily.

"I know bud." Nathan smiled sadly. James lifted his head from his Uncle's shoulder. The little boy could tell something was wrong. His father was crying, or at least looked like he was about too.

"What's wrong Daddy?" James frowned. Lucas let out a heavy sigh feeling awful. The right thing to do never seemed to be the easiest.

"Nothing's wrong." Nathan lied mustering a smile for James sake. "Listen, your gonna be staying with Uncle Lucas for a little while okay?" He added softly taking James from Lucas and holding the little boy in his arms.

"For how long?" James asked with big eyes.

"Not long. Daddy just has some things to take care of. It'll be fun. You haven't gotten to spend time with Uncle Lucas in a while." Nathan explained. James nodded. "I'll see you soon okay?" He promised.

"Ok, I love you Daddy." James smiled hugging him.

"I love you too James, I'm gonna miss you." Nathan smiled giving him a kiss on the forehead. "You behave for Uncle Lucas alright?" He added gently as he handed James back to Lucas.

"Okay." James smiled.

"Nathan…" Lucas began before heading for the door.

"Just go." Nathan snickered not even wanting to look at him. Lucas sighed heavily, if he had to be blamed or painted out to be the bad guy in all of this then so be it. The important thing was that Nathan got better. It sucked that Lucas had to go to such extremes to make this happen, but right now tough love was the only thing that was going to help Nathan. Lucas left the apartment with James in his arms, and now Nathan was completely alone. He stood there in the middle of his apartment motionless and still couldn't believe what had just transpired. He sunk into the couch trying to fight the urge to pick up his drink, because now, all he felt like doing was drinking.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 

Rachel sat at the bar at Tric, sharing a drink with Ted, the guy she had given her number to not so long ago. Ted was cute in a boy-next-door kind of way, and more importantly he was an intellectual. He could hold a decent conversation with her. He had a good sense of humor and he was kind. In the course of the evening he had showered her with compliments and actually managed to make her feel good about herself. She didn't think any man could ever really see her in that light because she has never been able to herself.

"So, is this considered our first date?" Ted inquired curiously with a boyish grin.

"I don't recall you ever asking me out." Rachel smirked playfully.

"But if I did?" Ted pressed raising an eyebrow with a hopeful smile.

"I might say yes." Rachel teased.

"Ms. Gattina, would you please do me the honor of gracing me with your presence this Saturday night?" Ted asked taking her hand in his with a smile. Rachel couldn't help but cheese from ear to ear. He was adorable.

"I'd love that." Rachel agreed softly.

"God, your gorgeous. Do you know how long I've watched you from afar but was too nervous to say anything." Ted marveled just looking at her and she blushed. "I hope that doesn't freak you out or anything." He chuckled.

"No, it's kind of nice. It's just, you seem like a decent guy, a really great guy actually. So I guess I am just wondering what you see in me. That, or what could possibly be wrong with you? Do you have any deformities or mental health issues I should be aware of?" Rachel questioned with a laugh. "I don't have the best luck with relationships. Every relationship I have had has ended up being crappy one way or another." She explained.

"That's a shame. I honestly didn't think I had a chance with you." Ted admitted.

"Your worthy." Rachel smiled playfully. She had said this to other men in the past as well. Mostly because she felt like most guys were, it was she that was never good enough. "I don't know what took you so long to talk to me." She shrugged with a grin.

"Your beauty can be intimidating." Ted offered and Rachel's cheeks burned again. He was making smile and feel good. She hadn't felt anything like this in a long time. Part of her didn't feel like she deserved it.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Nathan demanded interrupting their conversation as he charged up to them. Rachel's head whipped around in surprise.

"Nathan!" Rachel uttered. "Um, this is Ted…" She began to introduce the two awkwardly.

"I need to talk to you _now_." Nathan cut her off giving off an attitude and it was clear he was angry about something.

"No need to be rude about it man." Ted chimed in and Nathan glared at him.

"Would you excuse us?" Rachel offered apologetically to Ted, who gave a reluctant nod. With that, Nathan grabbed her by the arm and was pulling her to a secluded more private area in Tric.

"I can walk thank you!" Rachel hissed yanking her arm from his grasp because he had practically been dragging her. He wasn't exactly nice about it either.

"What the hell did you say to Lucas?!" Nathan spat angrily. Rachel's heart sunk at the mention of Luke's name and her face went pale as if she had seen a ghost. Her mind immediately flashed to the phone conversation she had shared with the older brother. "Are you trying to ruin my life?" He cried. His blood was boiling with anger.

"Of course not! You're doing a good enough job of that for the both of us. You don't need my help for that." Rachel snapped.

"How could you do that to me?" Nathan yelled. "Did you call child protective services too?" He sneered bitterly.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Rachel cried.

"Lucas took James, and now he's threatening to fight for custody of him!" Nathan snapped furiously and Rachel's mouth dropped open in shock.

"I didn't know…" Rachel uttered. She couldn't believe Lucas had made that kind of threat. She never thought he'd take it that far.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I don't have a drinking problem? That maybe I just have to get smashed when I hook up with you because you make my skin crawl! Did you ever think of that? Haven't you ever wondered why I can't bring myself to touch you unless I'm completely drunk?!" Nathan growled his words laced with all the venom and hate he was feeling. Rachel could feel the tears burning her eyes. "You disgust me. I can't believe you'd do this to me. I hate you and when I get James back I don't want you around him ever again." He blamed her viciously and the hot tears she had been holding back finally rolled down her cheeks.

"Hey! She's not the one who called Lucas you ass! I did!" Peyton yelled storming up to them. She had overheard Nathan yelling at Rachel and she wasn't about to stand by and do nothing. "You want to hate someone? You want to yell at someone? Hate me! Yell at me!" She cried slamming her own hand against her chest passionately. "But above everything else you just leave her the hell alone! Now get out of my night club or I'll have you thrown out!" She roared completely irate. Nathan's chest heaved with anger, he could have yelled and argued but there was no use.

"I can't believe you would do something like that to me. We're supposed to be friends." Nathan shouted feeling just as betrayed as he had when he thought it was Rachel who had gone to Lucas.

"I didn't do it to you. I did it for you." Peyton retorted stilled enraged. "Just get out! Your pathetic, the sight of you makes me sick, so just do us all a favor and get the hell out." She hissed.

"I don't ever want to speak to you again." Nathan shook his head with complete disgust.

"That's fine by me." Peyton retorted never wavering. Nathan stormed off with a furious huff purposefully knocking over one of the tables in his rage on his way out. Rachel looked at Peyton and began to cry harder when Peyton pulled her into a hug.

"Shh… don't let him get to you." Peyton hushed. She rubbed Rachel's back with her hand and could feel her trembling. "Come on, let's go home." She offered softly. Rachel gave a sad appreciative nod with a sniffle.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 

Peyton and Rachel entered their apartment and Rachel plopped down on the couch feeling mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. It was all really starting to take a toll on her. Peyton sat next to her placing her hand on her knee sympathetically.

"I almost thought you were going to go all royal rumble on his ass." Rachel mused.

"He's lucky I'm pregnant." Peyton scowled.

"Speaking of which, that kind of stress can't be good for the baby. I mean you yelling and getting all worked up like that." Rachel reminded with concern.

"I'm fine. We're fine." Peyton answered rubbing her stomach. "I'm more worried about you." She confessed.

"Your always worried about me." Rachel laughed.

"Because you're always giving me something to worry about." Peyton pointed out with a grin.

"You shouldn't have taken the blame. I love you for it but you really shouldn't have. He should be hating me right now, not you." Rachel sighed sadly.

"I would rather be on the receiving end of his hate and yelling then see you getting it. You've been through enough. I can handle it. I don't have feelings for him like you do." Peyton answered softly. "I'm not afraid to tell him to go to hell. He's been a rotten bastard, especially to you." She added still feeling angry with Nathan.

"You should get some sleep." Peyton offered softly watching Rachel yawn and noticing how tired she looked. Rachel nodded and they both got up from the couch heading for the bedroom. They both stopped and shared a glance when there was a knock on the door.

"Round 2?" Rachel sighed exhaustedly. "I don't think I could handle it…" She shook her head with a frown.

"I'll kill him." Peyton swore marching over to the door with Rachel closely behind her. Peyton pulled the door open and stumbled backwards knocking right into Rachel when she saw who it was. Lucas stood before them with James in his arms. James was sleeping silently with his head resting upon Luke's shoulder.

"Lucas." Peyton stuttered choking on her words unable to say anything else coherently.

"I went to our apartment but you weren't there and neither were your things." Lucas spoke. "Rachel, could you put him to bed?" He asked and Rachel obliged taking James from Lucas and bringing him into the other room.

"I…" Peyton uttered still shell-shocked. She knew there was a chance he'd be coming home but she wasn't expecting him this soon. She had no idea what to say or where to begin.

"We need to talk." Lucas informed simply brushing passed her and she shut the door. Yeah, they really did.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

**A/N: **_Special thanks to _**oc-journey06, LeytonTilEnd, setherfan91, JennVanessa, SARAH **_(snuggle), _**HalesnLukeBFF4ever**_(I'm glad you had that kind of reaction to the bracelet scene! And thank you for the wonderful review)_**, Lena, Cheena(**_-hug- I would love that for S5 but I doubt it. Lol. I heart your review as much as I heart you. Thanks for the lovely words._**, nedhu, Kaila, lilwolf, Allison, LeytonFanAlways, Manu, xobabiidoll, Rachel**_(-hug- thanks for the great review.)__and _**othstewy **_for the amazing reviews! It really means a lot to me guys! Sorry I didn't get to comment on all of them but I really do appreciate each of you for being nice enough to take them time to leave a review. There is just more to comment on with the longer ones. Any questions just let me know, like about what is going on with story if you don't understand something and such. _

_Oh, and please continue to read and review! And if you are reading and not reviewing, shame on you! pouts_

_ST – you totally had everything thinking Peyton was preggers before the big reveal. :P_

**Preview: **_Lucas and Peyton finally talk, Will Nathan shape up or continue to let alcohol rule his life? Nathan will make an important decision about his life. Rachel develops feelings for Ted and there could be a small time jump…all of that and more! _


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Rachel carried a sleeping James into the bedroom, and slowly gently placed him on the bed. She quietly sat on the bed beside him gazing down upon the young child when he began to stir. He sleepily opened his eyes.

"Rachel." James murmured.

"Shh…go to sleep. Your gonna be staying here for the night." Rachel hushed.

"Is Daddy okay?" James asked curiously looking up at her.

"Yeah, he's gonna be fine." Rachel nodded with a smile even though she wasn't entirely sure that was true. She could only hope.

"Is he gonna stop drinking?" James asked suddenly and his eyes seemed to darken.

"Does it bother you when Daddy drinks?" Rachel asked looking at him thoughtfully.

"I don't like it when he drinks. I wish he'd stop." James admitted quietly.

"Me too." Rachel sighed wondering how Nathan's drinking had affected James internally. She wasn't even aware James knew it was a problem or was bothered by it. He was only 5 years old. Could he have really noticed?

"Will you sleep with me?" James requested.

"Of course. Now, close your eyes and try and get some sleep." She cooed with a smile lying down next to him and stroking his back. James shut his eyes and a few moments later he was sound asleep.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 

After shutting the door, Peyton turned around and stared at Lucas who had been standing in the middle of the room. Her head was running wildly with thoughts and she was contemplating what to say first. Because the truth was she had no idea what to say to him. He looked good…too good. She was finding it harder to breathe. Lucas simply stared at her with that piercing look he always gets, peering right down into her soul. He took a step forward and she instinctively stepped back.

"Peyton, talk to me." Lucas said finally letting out a heavy sigh. He was tired, from work, the long flight, the drama with Nathan and his relationship troubles with Peyton. He was exhausted, feeling worn out from the weight of it all. "Do you know what it's like when the person you love won't even talk to you? We used to be able to talk about everything." He added sadly. "You moved out of our apartment without even telling me. Where's your head at Peyton?" He asked softly. She took in a deep breath, the look in his eyes made her want to pour her heart out to him. The embers of their connection were still burning so bright she could feel it within her. She wanted to hold him and kiss him. It had been so long. But she was stubborn, and whether it was right or not a part of her was still upset with him for leaving.

"Lucas, this hasn't been easy for me." Peyton spoke finally her voice full of emotion.

"You think it's been easy for me? You won't even answer or return my phone calls. You broke off our engagement, moved out of our apartment and you won't even talk to me about it. Peyton you encouraged me to leave, you practically pushed me on the plane." Lucas reminded. Peyton looked away feeling guilty. "I want you to understand that this has never meant more to me than you. I can live without the book touring and movies, but not without you. None of that means anything to me without you by my side. I'd give it all up if I thought it would compromise what we have." He confessed in a heartfelt tone moving closer to her and she backed away again with tears in her eyes, as if him getting too close would be dangerous.

"That's exactly what I didn't want." Peyton cried. "I won't be the reason you give up on your dreams. You've already lost basketball." She insisted.

"Your afraid I might give up my dreams for you and then resent you for it later? Maybe turn out like my father. I can write anywhere. I don't have to go off and promote the books. If for some reason I do, I'll make sure I won't have to be away as long. Or, you can come with me if you can get someone to watch Tric. Don't you get it? There is no dream without you in it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Lucas explained truthfully. "I've never loved anyone the way that I love you Peyton. You're the love of my life." He admitted staring at her intensely, melting her in a way that no one else could.

Peyton was at a loss for words at the emotion of it all, as tears rolled down her cheeks. Before she could even react or register what was happening, Lucas swiftly crossed the room closing the space between them. He pulled her flush against him and his lips covered hers in a searing kiss. The moment they had both been craving so badly was short lived however, when Lucas abruptly pulled away. His eyes were wide and staring down at her stomach. This wasn't exactly how she wanted him to find out. She actually wasn't even sure how she wanted him to find out really. But certainly not like this. Lucas had felt her stomach protruding, a noticeable bump.

"You're…are you…?" Lucas began to stammer. His mouth suddenly felt dry.

"I'm pregnant." Peyton answered before he could even say it and tears were streaming down her face. Lucas stared at her in shock for a long moment processing the news.

"You're a couple months along…were you even planning on telling me?" Lucas asked feeling incredibly hurt.

"Yes." Peyton replied weakly.

"When?!" Lucas cried angrily. "Sometime before the actual birth?" He scoffed visibly upset.

"Of course! I just didn't know how and I was scared. All of your dreams were coming true and I didn't want to ruin it. I love you and I want you to be able to have all of the things you want out of life. I was afraid of you resenting me but then I found myself resenting you for leaving. With college it was different when we both went off you know? But this time it was just like when my father used to leave me for work. I encouraged him to go all of those times too. You weren't like everyone else though. You promised I'd never lose you and I believed you." Peyton tried to explain emotionally. Lucas stared at her his mouth ajar and there was so much he could say. "I know it's not fair but that's just how I felt. And I knew if I said anything that you would come back and I didn't want that either. Then when I found out I was pregnant I was scared, confused, and alone. I didn't know what to do." She cried.

"You should have told me." Lucas shook his head sadly, a bit more calmly.

"I'm sorry." Peyton croaked emotionally. Lucas softened cupping her face in his hands and rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "I was just scared and confused. I'm sorry if you can't understand that." She added softly her chin trembling.

"Whatever you were feeling, we could have felt it together. I would have been there for you. We could have faced it together and helped each other through it like we always do. Please don't push me away and don't keep things from me. No matter what else I have going on, I love you and I need you in my life." Lucas explained looking into her eyes. He wiped her tears away with his thumb before pulling her snug against him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "You didn't lose me Peyton. I was always with you. My heart was with you." He whispered into her hair inhaling the scent he had missed so much. "We've always been able to talk and I don't want to lose that. You were afraid of losing me when I felt like I was losing you." He admitted.

"I'm sorry. I know it wasn't fair to you." Peyton sniffled.

"Maybe if someone would answer the phone." Lucas teased grinning into her hair.

"I'm sorry." Peyton repeated with a soft chuckle.

"It's okay." Lucas answered finally looking into her green eyes. He lowered his head pressing his lips to hers. His hands traveled to her waist before cupping her stomach and looking down in amazement. "Oh my God, we're having a baby." He smiled causing her face to light up with a smile matching his own.

"Yeah, we are." Peyton smiled and for the first time in a long time she felt genuinely happy. Lucas dropped to his knees so that he was at eye level with her stomach. He lifted up her shirt exposing her baby bump.

"Hey there little guy." Lucas cooed softly pressing his ear to her stomach. He then placed a few kisses across her stomach causing her to giggle.

"How do you know it's a boy?" Peyton mused raising an eyebrow.

"Because Scott men produce boys." Lucas grinned standing up so that he was face to face with her.

"Sawyer women produce girls." Peyton challenged with a smile.

"I wouldn't mind having a little girl. As long as the baby is healthy and I'm having it with you gender doesn't really matter." Lucas smiled and Peyton wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him deeply.

"God, I missed you." Peyton admitted with a happy sigh.

"You have no idea how much I missed you." Lucas smiled.

"Dude, we're gonna be parents." Peyton beamed. Lucas picked her up excitedly and twirled her around.

"We're having a baby." Lucas smiled again before placing her down. Peyton felt a happy relief that Lucas was so excited about this.

"I'm glad your back." Peyton admitted pulling him into a longer more passionate kiss. Lucas returned the kiss feverishly, it really had been a long time for them. He missed being this close to her skin and feeling her warmth consume him. He missed her perfect lips and the way her green eyes shined when she looked at him. He missed her. Peyton broke the kiss and they were both panting.

"So, is it okay to have sex during pregnancy?" Lucas asked feeling hot and bothered.

"Actually I think it's healthy." Peyton smiled barely able to think with his face looming so closely to hers. "But James and Rachel are in the other room." She reminded quietly and Lucas let out a groan.

"When I get you alone I'm going to completely ravage you." Lucas warned with a mischievous grin.

"No." Peyton shook her head. "I'm gonna completely ravage you." She corrected with a smile before pulling him into a passion-fueled kiss.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 

Nathan sat in the car his hands clutching the steering wheel. He had a life altering decision to make and he was contemplating his choices. His first choice was going through those doors, which was what he probably should be doing. The second choice was finding the nearest bar and getting completely smashed. Sadly drowning his sorrows sounded much more appealing than admitting he had a problem and doing something about it. He couldn't go with his second option. He had to stop being irresponsible. He could drink tonight and promise himself he'd stop tomorrow but how long would those empty promises go on? He turned off the ignition of the car. He had to do this.

James was all he had left. If he didn't have James, he had no reason for being. He had no reason to get up in the morning. That little boy was his life and the one thing Haley had left behind for him. She would have expected more out of him than this. She would have been ashamed of his shortcomings regarding their child. He was ashamed of himself. He couldn't lose James. He just couldn't. He forced himself out of the car with a heavy sigh. He entered the building and approached a woman who was sitting at the front desk.

"Hi, I'm here to attend the meeting." Nathan offered quietly. A few moments later he was sitting with a group of people he didn't know. There were men and women of different ages, races, and personal backgrounds. Some shared stories and other didn't speak much at all. Nathan was one of the new attendees and when they got to him it was his turn to introduce himself and speak.

"My name is Nathan Scott, and I'm an alcoholic." Nathan told the entire room.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX 3 MONTHS LATER 

Nathan sat in a group circle at another Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Over the passed three months he had attended meetings regularly especially whenever he had the urge to drink. He had gotten to know a lot of great people and heard some powerful stories. He himself really hadn't thought he'd share much. He didn't talk about his feelings much and the one person he did share those things with was gone. But as time went by and he heard others share their stories he started to open up little by little. He had been doing considerably well. He was now sober for 3 months and counting. The meeting ended with 'It works if you work it.' Nathan stood from his seat pulling his jacket on and heading for the door where an attractive brunette was waiting for him.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Nathan murmured uncomfortably.

"Nice to see you too." The brunette offered sarcastically standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his lips.

"Diane, this is an AA meeting." Nathan reminded. He had been seeing Diane Lewis for about 2 months now. Diane was also James teacher. She was responsible, strict and grounded which at the moment was exactly what Nathan needed in his life. Some of the people in the group had encouraged him to date while others warned him to take his time.

"So what?" Diane smirked.

"It's private. I'd like to keep this part of my life to myself." Nathan admitted.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. This is a good thing. Some people can't admit when they have a problem." Diane insisted.

"Just please respect my wishes." Nathan sighed. "This particular meeting was just a little harder than the others. One day at a time I guess." He admitted.

"Why's that?" Diane questioned raising an eyebrow.

"The anniversary of Haley's death is coming up." Nathan responded quietly as they walked out the door and headed for the car.

"Try thinking of something positive to keep your mind off of it. Such as James birthday, which if we don't hurry we're going to be late for." Diane reminded pulling the passenger door open.

"What?" Nathan cried because he couldn't believe he had forgotten about his own son's birthday. Granted he didn't see James as much because they weren't living together but he still visited him often.

"I heard your friends Peyton and Robin talking about it a while ago. I assumed we were going." Diane replied.

"What? You mean Rachel?" Nathan asked furrowing his brow.

"Yeah, whatever her name is." Diane brushed him off. "Don't tell me you forgot your son's birthday." She sighed disapprovingly slipping into the passenger seat.

"What kind of a father does that." Nathan frowned. "If Haley…" He began getting into the car.

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you should spend more time focused on your son and less time on your deceased wife." Diane suggested and Nathan looked at her. "I'm sorry was that harsh? Sometimes I don't have a filter." She apologized.

"No, it's okay. Your right." Nathan sighed painfully. "I can't believe I forgot." He repeated.

"He's turning 6. He won't even remember." Diane offered.

"That's not the point." Nathan shrugged starting the engine and driving in the direction of Peyton's house.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

The house was decorated with streamers and balloons. James and a bunch of his friends from school were running around playing and having a ball. Rachel and a very pregnant Peyton looked on as Lucas answered the door, and Nathan entered the party hand in hand with Diane.

"Daddy!" James squealed running into his father's arms and Nathan hugged him tightly. James rejoined his friends and Nathan rose to his feet after releasing him. He and Lucas touched fists in the brotherly way that they always had and began having a conversation. Things seemed to have gotten a lot better between them. They were at least on speaking terms anyway.

"Did he _have_ to bring her?" Rachel sneered glancing over at her best friend who was seated next to her at the counter.

"You mean the wicked witch of the west?" Peyton smirked playfully. "Well, they are kind of dating." She teased.

"She's not even his type, and James doesn't even liked her. I mean shouldn't he at least date someone James likes?" Rachel complained glaring at the studious elementary school teacher from afar.

"You mean someone like you?" Peyton grinned raising an eyebrow.

"That's not what I meant." Rachel insisted immediately. "I just can't stand her. I don't get what he sees in her…and I am not jealous!" She added pointedly knowing exactly what Peyton would be thinking.

"You sound jealous." Peyton teased with a smile.

"I'm not! I'm over Nathan. I've moved on. I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me right and doesn't constantly tear me down. And that's all Nathan ever did." Rachel pointed out.

"You really do care about Ted don't you?" Peyton smiled. "I'm glad. He's good for you." She added approvingly.

"He's great. Sometimes I don't think I deserve him." Rachel admitted with a chuckle.

"You deserve the best." Peyton smiled softly truly meaning it, which caused Rachel to smile and look away.

"She's right." Nathan announced in an attempt to be nice as he approached them. Rachel's cheeks burned crimson. She was floored, had Nathan just said something nice about her? Rachel felt his eyes linger upon her for a moment before he looked away and turned his attention to Peyton.

"Hey Nate, you look great." Peyton greeted with a smile. "You know I'm really proud of you. You've come a long way." She admitted softly. It felt good to be able to say that and truly mean it. Nathan really had come a long way from where he was at 3 months ago.

"Peyton being nice to me? It almost feels foreign." Nathan joked with a chuckle. He didn't know who it had made feel better. Peyton being able to say something like this or he himself being able to hear it. He had lost his way for a while there. He could only hope that he could stay on the right track and that all of that was completely behind him now.

"You were on my shit list for a while there." Peyton agreed with a smirk.

"I have to say I prefer being on your good side." Nathan teased. It almost felt like old times, the times before Haley's death and his downward spiral into alcoholism.

"The decorations and everything look great." Diane chimed in standing next to Nathan and looping her arm through his in a way that caused Rachel to roll her eyes.

"Oh, that's all Lucas and Rachel. They did an amazing job. I would have loved to help but there was no way I could get on a ladder with my big pregnant belly. Lucas has a heart attack if I even do anything he considers to be strenuous." Peyton explained.

"I think its sweet." Rachel smiled.

"So, I pretty much just sat back and barked orders at them. It was kind of fun." Peyton continued with an amused smirk.

"I'm sorry. I should have been here to help." Nathan shook his head. They all turned their heads at the sound of James arguing with Karen's daughter Lily. James and Lily were both born closely together so they often times shared a birthday party.

"It's mine!" James cried in a tug of war over a toy Lily had been playing with.

"I was playing with it first!" Lily complained.

"James, what did I tell you about sharing?" Nathan scolded and James relinquished the toy to Lily with a pout. They both ran off in different directions and Nathan let out a chuckle. Lucas approached quietly wrapping his arms around Peyton from behind and resting his hands on her belly. She leaned back and snuggled against him with a smile.

"So, what took you so long? You missed half the party." Lucas informed Nathan.

"I had a meeting and…" Nathan began slowly.

"He forgot it was James birthday." Diane answered simply. They all looked at each other a bit surprised, except Nathan whose eyes stayed fixated on the floor. Rachel frowned staring at him sympathetically. But before she could even realize she was _staring, _his eyes had left the floor and were now locked with hers. She looked away almost instantly. Great, he had caught her staring. It wasn't as if it was a longing gaze, it was more about concern. She still cared about him despite everything.

"So, Robin are they going to let you retake that exam?" Diane asked suddenly after catching the brief glance between them. Rachel's cheeks burned with embarrassment.

"It's Rachel." Peyton corrected with a catty smile that made Rachel smile herself. It was nice when Peyton was a bitch for her; it saved her the energy of having to be one.

"Right, sorry." Diane offered with a smug smile that suggested she wasn't the least bit sorry.

"I didn't know you failed your exam." Nathan admitted in surprise looking at Rachel.

"You didn't ask." Rachel answered softly. "Yeah, I can retake the exam. I just have to wait for the next testing cycle, which isn't for a few months. I just wanted to take it early so I could have it out of the way." She shrugged.

"That's a shame. I can't imagine failing such a crucial exam." Diane replied not in the least sympathetically. "I've never failed an exam." She bragged with a smile.

"I usually do very well academically. I've just had a lot going on." Rachel sighed feeling annoyed. She couldn't stand this woman from the moment she met her.

"It'd called life. Everyone has problems. That's no excuse." Diane shook her head.

"Diane!" Nathan snapped before Rachel or Peyton could get a chance to chew her out. "If you don't have a filter than maybe you just shouldn't speak in certain situations." He advised.

"Excuse me?" Diane questioned in surprise.

"Cut her some slack. She didn't pass the first time around, big deal. She'll ace it this time." Nathan informed her. "And if she doesn't…it'll still be none of your business." He added as if it were a matter of fact. Rachel's jaw dropped in awe. She couldn't believe he had actually defended her, and he had looked incredibly hot in that moment. She quickly scolded herself for even thinking that. After everything he put her through she shouldn't even be looking at him that way. She shouldn't even want to talk to him or even be his friend. Not many people would put up with the type of things she had allowed herself too. Diane crossed her arms with a huff becoming silent.

"This is the Nathan I know and love." Peyton beamed and Nathan smiled at her.

"Me too." Lucas agreed with a smile. "Actually when you get the chance I need to talk to you later." He added looking at Nathan.

"Okay." Nathan nodded.

"Can we open presents now?" James asked as he ran up and grabbed Nathan's leg. Nathan looked to Lucas and Peyton.

"Mom, you want to let them start unwrapping the gifts?" Lucas called. Karen looked over at them, as she placed the large birthday cake down. The cake was covered with 12 candles. 6 blue for James, and 6 pink for Lily.

"Sure, right after we sing Happy Birthday and they blow out the candles." Karen smiled. Everyone gathered around the cake. James and Lily stood right in front of it. Each of them was slyly trying to steal bits of frosting with their tiny fingers. Karen scolded them to wait and they giggled. Rachel and Nathan stood at the back of the group as a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' filled the air.

"I can't believe I forgot my son's birthday." Nathan spoke quietly. Rachel wasn't sure if he was speaking to her or just speaking to himself.

"You have a lot going on." Rachel offered softly anyway and their eyes connected.

"What am I gonna tell him?" Nathan asked feeling ashamed. Lily and James had already begun opening their presents while the adults all snapped pictures of them.

"James, open this one next. It's from me." Diane smiled handing him the package.

"I didn't even get him a present. I just forgot. Maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought." Nathan added visibly upset with himself.

"Don't beat yourself up about this Nathan. You have a lot going on and it was an honest mistake. You'll make it up to him." Rachel insisted. A few moments later most of the presents were unwrapped.

"What did you get me Daddy?" James ran up to Nathan staring up at him and it broke his heart.

"James…" Nathan began finding it hard to speak as he knelt down so that he was at eye level with him.

"Daddy's present is outside!" Rachel exclaimed suddenly. "You want to go look at it?" She smiled intriguingly and James nodded with a huge excited smile.

"What is it Daddy?" James cried running toward the door. Nathan looked at Rachel feeling confused.

"The things I do for you." Rachel smiled softly before running towards to door with James and Nathan followed them out.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

They walked outside and Rachel entered the garage. James waited excitedly by his father's side in anticipation. Rachel re-emerged with a red bike and James screamed so loud they both had to cover their ears. He ran toward the bike staring at it in awe.

"A bike! It's just what I wanted it!" James cried excitedly.

"Well you've only been talking about it for weeks." Rachel teased. "Do you like it?" She beamed.

"I love it!" James smiled his eyes lighting up. He then ran into Nathan's arms offering a giant hug. "Thank you Daddy." He exclaimed happily. Nathan hugged him back still registering what had just transpired. He locked eyes with Rachel offering an appreciative smile. He didn't deserve what she had just done.

"James, my gift for you is going to be a little late. I just didn't have the money. But I promise you next week I'll have your present and your gonna love it." Rachel fibbed with a smile.

"It's okay." James smiled. "Daddy can I ride my bike now?" He begged returning his attention back to his father.

"You can ride it later. You don't want to be rude to your guests. Go back inside and have some cake and ice cream with your friends. I promise you can ride it later." Nathan smiled rubbing his son's shoulder.

"Fine." James sighed reluctantly running back into the party. Rachel made her way to the door right behind him when she felt Nathan grab a hold of her arm. She turned around to face him with curious eyes and a warm smile.

"Rachel…" Nathan began. "Thank you, but you really didn't have to do that." He insisted gratefully.

"I know but I wanted too. I'd rather have James disappointed in me then disappointed in his father." Rachel admitted. She couldn't help but notice looking into his eyes, how different they were. The eyes she remembered were an icy cold blue. His eyes seemed warmer and softer now. Like there was an actual person in there.

"But he wasn't disappointed in you." Nathan smiled feeling touched that she had done such a thing for him. "James loves you. It's like you can do no wrong. He adores you." He admitted softly.

"He's a great kid. You should be proud." Rachel smiled and after a brief moment of silence she turned to go back inside.

"Rachel, wait." Nathan called and she turned back around again. He approached the porch taking a seat on the stairs and motioned for her to join him. She slowly sat beside him.

"What?" Rachel asked curiously. This all felt very weird. It was as if Nathan had done a complete 180. Within three months he had gone from arguably treating her the worst anyone had ever treated her, to being _nice_ to her. He had changed and she didn't know how long it would last but for his sake hoped it was for good. The man she was sitting next to right now was finally back to being the man that Haley had once married and loved. Peyton was right. He really had come a long way.

"Listen, I just wanted to say that I am really sorry for the way that I treated you. Nobody deserves to be treated the way that I treated you. You especially don't deserve it. You have a good heart and your kind. The things I did and said were cruel and reprehensible. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again. Yet here you are doing kind things for me, things I don't deserve. I was wrong. I was in a really dark place back then. You've seen me at my worst. Anyone else would have gone running the other direction but you stayed. You stayed by my side and tried to be my friend no matter what I put you through. I'm sorry for everything and how much I must have hurt you. I'm sorry." Nathan poured out his heart into one of the most heartfelt apologies she had ever heard. She was overwhelmed looking into his gentle blue eyes. When she felt his hand squeeze her own in a comforting fashion she soon realized tears had welled up in her eyes. She felt vulnerable being this close to him. He was right. She had every reason in the world why she should want him out of her life. She shouldn't want to talk to him or be there for him. She was a glutton for punishment. She rarely did the things she should do. He seemed so sincere and what was awful is that she had already forgiven him.

"Wow." Rachel uttered with a chuckle that made Nathan grin softly. "Nathan I forgive you. I forgave you before you ever even apologized." She admitted with a pathetic laugh. She looked away wiping at any tears that might dare to fall.

"I want to make amends. So if you ever need anything I'm here for you. If you're willing, I'd like for us to be friends." Nathan admitted. She thought about this briefly and he waited patiently for her response.

"I'd like that." Rachel agreed finally with a smile. "Gee, Nathan what do they do to you at these AA meetings? I feel like I'm talking to a completely different person. I guess it really does work." She laughed.

"I don't know about that. This is gonna sound cheesy but I guess 'it works if you work it.'" Nathan chuckled. "I think a person just has to be determined. So this was Step 8 of the 12 steps. Make a list of all of the people you've done wrong and be willing to make amends to them. I figure you're at the top of that list. Although I still have a lot of apologies to make." He explained.

"I'm proud of you. You really stepped up to the plate. You're a good father Nathan." Rachel smiled warmly.

"A good father doesn't forget his son's birthday." Nathan shook his head.

"Even good father's make mistakes." Rachel insisted. "It was good seeing you and Peyton getting along like that again." She added suddenly with a smile.

"A few months ago I didn't think I'd ever talk to her again." Nathan admitted with a sad smile. Rachel fidgeted uncomfortably with a sigh.

"There's something you should know. I'm the one that told Lucas, not Peyton. She was just trying to protect me. I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do." Rachel confessed cautiously. A skeptical part of her was waiting for Nathan to pull a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and start flipping out or yelling at her. But he didn't.

"Thank you." Nathan answered after a long pause surprising her with his response. "I didn't know it then but it was exactly the kick in the ass I needed. If you hadn't done that I might still be drunk passed out on my couch." He admitted truthfully.

"Your not angry." Rachel uttered in surprise.

"Back then I was but now I get it. You were looking out for James and I. I appreciate that." Nathan nodded understandingly. "I'm trying Rachel. I really am." He added earnestly. .

"That's all anyone can ask." Rachel smiled.

"Rachel, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you." Ted let out an exasperated sigh as he approached them.

"Ted…Sorry, we were just talking." Rachel offered immediately jumping to her feet.

"Hey Theo." Nathan grinned playfully because he knew it would get on Ted's nerves. Ted never really seemed to like him all that much, which was fine by him. He wasn't exactly fond of Ted either. Ted offered him a dirty look for his troubles.

"Nathan." Ted smiled grimly. "Honey, if we don't leave now were gonna be late for dinner and my parents are expecting us." He reminded turning to Rachel.

"Okay, let me just go say goodbye to James and get my coat." Rachel offered before briskly heading for the front door. Nathan stood up also heading for the door.

"Nathan." Ted called causing Nathan to turn around. "Rachel might see something redeemable in you even after everything you've put her through, but I don't. All I see is a snake. Rachel is my girl. I care about her a lot." He explained glaring at Nathan.

"What are you trying to say?" Nathan challenged with a chuckle returning the glare of disdain that Ted was giving him.

"Stay the hell away from her." Ted warned.

"I could snap you like a twig. You realize that?" Nathan reminded. He couldn't believe this little dork was actually acting all tough against him.

"But you won't." Ted smirked before turning away and walking toward his car.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

Rachel climbed into the car beside Ted. He was silent and he didn't look to be in a very good mood. She could sense that something was wrong.

"Is everything okay?" Rachel asked with a sigh.

"I just don't understand why you even talk to him after everything he's done to you." Ted shrugged sounding upset.

"He's my friend and he's been through a lot. If he needs support and understanding then I am going to give that to him." Rachel reasoned.

"He doesn't deserve it. What has he ever done for you other than cause you pain?" Ted pointed out.

"He apologized…" Rachel began.

"And that makes it all better." Ted laughed.

"He's trying. I mean he's really come a long way. You can't just turn your back on your friends. True friends don't do that." Rachel insisted.

"He's never been your friend Rachel." Ted replied simply. "I just don't want you hanging out with him. It makes me uncomfortable." He admitted.

"Why?" Rachel asked softly.

"It just does." Ted sighed.

"You have nothing to be worried about. I'm with you." Rachel insisted knowingly. She could tell seeing her with Nathan, and knowing of their history really bothered Ted.

"He's not a good person for you to be around. Can you just please do this for me? Just stay away from him." Ted replied heatedly.

"I can't just cut him out of my life Teddy. He needs his friends right now. Please try and understand that." Rachel answered softly. "If this is a jealousy thing you honestly have nothing to be jealous about…" She continued.

"I'm not jealous." Ted cut her off hastily becoming a bit angry.

"Good, because I love you." Rachel admitted for the first time. "I love you, so if you are feeling jealous at all you shouldn't be. Your the best thing that has happened to be in a long time." She smiled softly. This caused Ted to soften.

"I love you too." Ted smiled back leaning in and kissing her. "Which is why I get so concerned. If I didn't love you I wouldn't care who you hung out with. But knowing everything he's done to you in the past bothers me." He reasoned. "I mean the guy told me he could break me like a twig." He added.

"He said that?" Rachel uttered in disbelief. "It's not like I am going to be spending much time with him you know? And at times when I do I'll make sure there is always someone else with us so that we are never alone. Okay?" She offered.

"Okay. I just don't want to see you get hurt." Ted cooed softly leaning over and kissing the side of her head before starting up the car and pulling out of the driveway.

_**XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX**_

**Special thanks to: xobabiidoll, oc-journey06, christina obc, Amber, Lena, othstewy, Sarah(**_**snuggle**__I'm waiting for a 30 page review:P_**), leytonlover3!, nedhu, Nessa, LeytonTilTheEnd, Kaila, Gal, lilwolf, Serena Rose Lau, JennVanessa, Rachel and Leytonfanalways for the reviews!!! **

_Please keep them coming I really appreciate it! Remember reviews get updates! _

**Chapter 6 Preview:** _Lucas and Peyton share a special moment, Rachel and Nathan try to be friends to the dismay of their significant others, Rachel and Peyton have a conversation, Will Nathan be able to continue on the right path? Is Rachel really over Nathan? All of that and much more! Stay tuned and remember to review!_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

"_Friendship is the allay of our sorrows, the ease of our passions, the discharge of our oppressions, the sanctuary to our calamities, the counselor of our doubts, the clarity of our minds…" – Jeremy Taylor_

**XxxxxX**

Nathan walked alongside his brother, pushing the shopping cart down the aisle. His eyes scanned all of the products on the shelf. Nathan fondly remembered these days all too well. They were in the infant section shopping for Lucas and Peyton's unborn child. Peyton and Rachel were off looking around at some other department of the store and had left them by themselves. The cart Nathan was pushing was kind of bare, considering neither of the men seemed to know what they were looking for.

"I want you to know, your no help at all. I mean, shouldn't you be good at this?" Lucas sighed feeling frustrated. Nathan couldn't help but chuckle. He remembered the first-time father anxiety like it was yesterday. He still got it from time to time, being a single father and all. Half the time he felt like he didn't really know what he was doing. He just wanted to do right by James.

"I'm not exactly up for father of the year award, and Haley used to take care of this kind of stuff." Nathan admitted with a shrug. "It would help if we at least knew the sex of the baby." He pointed out with a smirk.

"Peyton and I agreed that we wanted to be surprised, and that we wouldn't find out until she delivers the baby." Lucas reminded.

"I bet your regretting that right now." Nathan teased. "So, we'll just have to get unisex baby stuff until after the birth." He added simply. It sounded so simple, so why didn't it seem as easy. Lucas began rummaging through packages of diapers, scrunching up his nose as he read the label.

"How do you know which brand is better?" Lucas asked studying two different packages.

"Aren't they all the same? At the end of the day your still gonna be cleaning up crap." Nathan offered and Lucas sent him a dirty look.

"Real classy. I was thinking Peyton could handle that." Lucas grinned.

"Yeah, I tried that one on Haley. It didn't go over too well." Nathan joked. It was nice to be able to mention Haley and smile. There was a time where he couldn't talk about her and just wouldn't accept the fact that she was gone. After that passed, then came the grief. Her memory brought nothing but pain for the longest time. He noticed Lucas smiling at him softly, probably thinking the same thing. Or, perhaps he was reminiscing about his own time with Haley. "Haley and I used _Huggies._" He offered a bit more helpfully. Lucas threw a bag of Huggies diapers in the cart.

"So, I've been thinking…you've been doing really well lately with your sobriety. I know it hasn't been easy. When I took James, I was doing what I felt I needed to do. It might have been the right thing, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard for me." Lucas began to explain.

"Luke, you did the right thing. I didn't believe it then but I see it now." Nathan offered apologetically. .

"There was a time I thought you would never recover from the loss of Haley." Lucas admitted. "I know you still feel that pain everyday, because I feel it too." He added understandingly. Nathan's eyes burned with emotion, but he wasn't going to cry. Luke's blue eyes seemed to match his own. "What I'm trying to say is…you turned it around and all for that precious little boy. You light up when you're with him Nate, and I know he means the world to you. I think your ready to have him back full time." Lucas finished finally. Nathan pulled him into one of their brotherly hugs with a smile of happiness and relief.

"Thank you, for everything Luke." Nathan replied while they embraced.

"Would you two please get a room?" Peyton teased as she and Rachel approached the boys with a full cart of baby items.

"Oooh, can I join?" Rachel smirked playfully. Nathan and Lucas chuckled as they turned to the girls.

"Woah." Lucas uttered setting eyes on their cart.

"We're girls. We like to shop." Rachel shrugged.

"You guys apparently have no idea what your doing." Peyton commented as she went through the few items that were in the cart Nathan was pushing. "Those are way too big, did you even read the package?" She questioned after eyeing the diapers.

"Lucas, you have a sister…shouldn't you be used to shopping for this kind of stuff?" Rachel laughed.

"I know how to change diapers. I never said anything about knowing what kind to get." Lucas retorted defensively.

"Basketball stuff? We don't even know the sex of the baby and your buying basketball stuff?" Peyton inquired holding up a toy hoop and ball.

"Regardless of gender, our child is going to love basketball." Lucas answered as if it were fact. "Oh, and what's this?!" He asked snatching up an item from Peyton cart before she could protest. Peyton wasn't really the type to buy pink, girlish things. But some of the items in the cart were definitely for a baby girl. He was currently holding a small baby dress. He cocked an eyebrow giving Peyton a questioning look.

"I have a feeling." Peyton shrugged simply snatching the item out of his hand. "Besides it's cute." She smirked.

"A feeling?" Lucas chuckled.

"Yes, I have a feeling we're gonna have a little girl." Peyton answered as Rachel and Nathan smiled on in amusement.

"We don't know for sure yet, so you shouldn't be buying girl stuff. If our son turns out gay it'll be your fault." Lucas teased with a grin.

"We'll love him just the same." Peyton offered with a smirk.

"True, but my little boy's not running around in a dress." Lucas grinned pulling her closer.

"Women can sense these kinds of things you know? You'll see, we're gonna have a little girl." Peyton insisted tugging on his collar.

"Until we know for sure, we'll only buy unisex items until after the birth." Lucas compromised, his face looming closer to her.

"You're a pain in the a-" Peyton began.

"Our son can hear you!" Lucas warned.

"It's a girl!" Peyton exclaimed and Lucas silenced her with a kiss. They smiled against each other's lips as they kissed, still as in love as the day they first kissed. Rachel was beaming watching them. Her smile seemed to light up her face. She loved the idea of being in love, finding that one person who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. She was a closet romantic.

As she watched them, she didn't think she would ever really have that and it made her sad. Most of her relationships were about sex, went nowhere or just plain ended badly one way or the other. Lucas and Peyton, they gave her hope. Nathan also watched the exchanged with a warm smile on his face. It was hard not to smile seeing two people so in love that way. He looked from them to Rachel. He couldn't help but notice that she looked beautiful in that moment. Her eyes sparkled and the smile she wore seemed to light up her face, causing him to smile a little more himself. Then, their eyes met. He allowed the contact to linger, both of their smiles slowly fading until Rachel finally looked away to the floor.

"Okay, where to next Mother of my unborn child?" Lucas asked as he pulled away.

"We should go look at the cribs." Peyton suggested taking his hand in hers and leading the way. Nathan and Rachel silently followed behind them.

_**XxXxXxX**_

Later that day, Nathan had picked up James and all of his things and moved him back to the home they had once shared together. He was so happy to finally have James back at home where he belonged, that it seemed like a pretty good day for a father and son day. It was the weekend after all and he really wanted to spend some quality time with James. He drove along the gravel with James sitting beside him in the passenger seat. Before they could get to the fun part of their day together there was something Nathan needed to do.

He pulled up to their destination and took a deep breath. His chest was heavy. He was told this might help him, or be therapeutic in some way. He just didn't know if he was ready for this. The truth was he hadn't been here since the funeral. This sad fact had nothing to do with the love he had for his late wife. It was just too hard, too painful. He couldn't bring himself to visit her grave. Until now, that is if he could get out of the car. He let out a shaky breath he hadn't realized he was holding. James looked up at him with wondering eyes. Nathan looked down at him offering a weak smile.

"You ready to visit Mommy's grave Jamie?" Nathan asked finally using the nickname Haley had so lovingly given the young boy. James offered a nod scooping up some of the flowers Nathan had brought to put on Haley's grave. He too picked up the bouquet that was beside him and they both got out of the car.

His large hand engulfed James smaller one as they walked along the headstones. Nathan could feel knots in his stomach as they came closer to hers. He felt surprise rush over him when he discovered she already had a visitor.

"Rachel!" James exclaimed leaving Nathan's side and running over to the woman he adored. Rachel jumped up clearly startled and James ran into her arms.

"Rachel." Nathan repeated awkwardly wondering what she was doing there. Rachel released James and rose to her feet, grabbing her bag from the ground and smoothing out her shirt. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm sorry…I should go." Rachel apologized quickly. She wasn't sure how he would feel about her visiting Haley's grave, but the look on his face was of intrusion. Nathan was getting better but that didn't mean the issue of Haley wasn't still a sensitive subject.

"No, stay." Nathan answered suddenly before she could leave. "I was just kind of surprised. I wasn't expecting anyone else to be here." He explained.

"I come out to visit her sometimes." Rachel admitted.

"Did you leave those flowers there?" Nathan asked staring at the flowers that were placed in front of her stone. They were the same as the purple flowers he had brought. The purple flowers He and Haley had during their wedding, that flower had become their flower. "They were Haley's favorite." He added.

"I know…that's why I got them. I thought she'd like it." Rachel shrugged and Nathan gave her a look she couldn't quite read. "Are you sure I shouldn't go, cause I could go.." She began to offer.

"Stay Rachel. You can come bike riding with us. And then Daddy is gonna teach me how to free throw. Maybe he can teach you too." James chimed in happily tugging on Rachel's arm. Rachel smiled brightly at him and then looked to Nathan. Nathan placed the flowers in front of Haley grave before turning to face her.

"It's fine, you should stay." Nathan decided. "I'm taking James out on his new bike and were playing basketball afterward." He continued eyeing James. "If you want to join us your more than welcome." He smiled.

"Yes!" James exclaimed. "Can you come play with us Rachel?" He asked jumping up and down.

"I'd love too." Rachel agreed with a smile. A moment of silence dropped among them. James began placing his flowers along Haley's headstone and Nathan dropped to his knees in front of her grave, stroking the stone with his thumb. His hands lingered across the words 'loving wife.' Rachel stood back silently watching him, wondering if she should really be there to see this. She knew Nathan hadn't visited Haley's grave since she had been buried. This was an emotional moment for him.

"I miss her." Nathan spoke aloud finally breaking the silence.

"I know you do. You'll always miss her. I don't think that ever goes away." Rachel answered softly. She felt a bit surprised. Nathan didn't speak about Haley all that often, not even to his closest loved ones. But here he was talking to her. "I started visiting her grave a few months ago. I was worried about you and I asked her to help you." She admitted. Nathan stood turning to face her. He felt a bit taken about and didn't really know how to react to that. She stared at him wondering if she had made a mistake by telling him that, but she couldn't quite read him. "I figured she was the one person that could help you." She continued after a moment.

"Thank you." Nathan answered thoughtfully. "I'd like to believe that she listened to you. I'd like to believe that she's here with me everyday, just watching over James and I. And sometimes…it's almost like I can feel her." He confided almost whispering the last part looking off fondly. A soft smile played across Rachel's face, brightening her features.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you." Rachel announced suddenly pulling a familiar bead bracelet out of her pocket. "I got the beads from Karen…and I had it fixed for you. It's as good as new." She explained.

Nathan reached out taking the bracelet from her hand, their fingers touching ever so slightly. He looked down upon the bracelet almost amazed. He had practically had a nervous breakdown when the bracelet had broken into a pieces on the floor. It was one of the only things he had left of Haley. He looked from the bracelet back to Rachel and did something neither of them was expecting. He pulled her into a warm hug. Rachel tensed at the sudden contact but quickly relaxed into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him and enjoying the feel of him against her. He squeezed a little more tightly and she shut her eyes breathing him in.

"Thank you." Nathan whispered into her ear before releasing her. "When this broke I…" Nathan began to explain recalling that day at the café. He had broken down crying like a pitiful child on the floor. He stopped speaking; staring down at the bracelet rolling his thumb over the beads and his face seemed to darken as his smile faded.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked looking at him with concern.

"That day…" Nathan uttered. The bracelet had broken because he had ripped it off of Rachel's wrist. The memory that was even more haunting was how she had ended up wearing the bracelet in the first place. "I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Most of the time it was when I was completely wasted, the memory is a bit foggy but from what I do remember I was pretty awful, especially to you. I hurt you." He answered looking into her eyes as if he were acknowledging his past actions. He remembered after they had sex that day, she had been bleeding because of him. He also remembered her crying her eyes out that day and on countless other occasions. Rachel stared at him silently for a moment.

"Nathan…you didn't mean to…you apologized. I forgive you." Rachel shrugged simply.

"I don't deserve it, or this." Nathan answered holding up the bracelet. "But, you're a better person than I am." He concluded sincerely. "That day…when I…are you okay?" He asked unsure of how to put it, especially when his young son was within hearing range.

"Oh…" Rachel uttered finally understanding what he was referring. "Yeah, I'm fine. It hurt more emotionally than anything." She answered.

"I'm sorry. I feel like I can't say it enough." Nathan chuckled awkwardly. "The things I said…you know I didn't mean it?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

"It's nice to hear you say it." Rachel smiled softly.

"Can we leave now? I want to ride my bike!" James cried suddenly at Nathan's side tugging on his shorts. Nathan chuckled looking down at him and patting his head.

"Sure thing. Say goodbye to Mommy." Nathan answered and James yelled 'Goodbye' to Haley's grave. "Rach, would you mind bringing him to the car and giving me a moment? Then we can drive back together and grab the bikes." He suggested.

"Yeah, sure." Rachel answered taking James hand and leaving Nathan alone at Haley's grave.

"This is gonna be so much fun, right Rachel?" James asked excitedly.

"It's gonna be a blast! And if your lucky I might even teach you how to do a wheelie." Rachel enthused.

"You know how to do a wheelie!?" James exclaimed.

"You bet your butt I do!" Rachel smiled pulling him along.

"But you're a girl." James laughed.

"Girls can do anything boys can do." Rachel teased sticking her tongue at him. "Race you to the car?" She challenged.

"Last one there is a rotten egg!" James yelled running ahead of her. Rachel easily caught up to him, capturing the little boy in her arms before tickling him like crazy. James laughed happily until she finally released him. With one shared mischievous look, they both sprinted for the car.

_**XxXxXxX**_

Peyton sat in the passenger seat of the car looking expectantly at Lucas. _Where could this boy possibly be taking her? _That was the question, but Lucas refused to answer it. He was being mysterious in his cute broody little way. Their hands lay entwined between them, the radio blasting a song they both loved and knew all the words too. They sang along happily at the top of their lungs, stealing glances every so often. Peyton looked out the window taking in the surroundings. This place was definitely familiar to her and the closer they came to their destination, she knew where they were going before they even got there. What she still didn't know was why. Lucas pulled up to the side of the road and shut off the engine.

"I'm so not making out with you." Peyton teased with a grin turning to the boy who had been gazing at her with bright blue eyes.

"Damn, that's exactly why I brought you here." Lucas answered feigning disappointment with a boyish smile.

"So, why did you bring me here?" Peyton asked curiously.

"Do you remember this spot?" Lucas asked opening his door and getting out of the car.

"How could I forget? Do you know how many times my car has broken down here. Of course you do, you always had to be the one to come and help me." Peyton smiled as he opened her door taking her by the hand and helping her out.

"And this is where your took me after graduation when you were feeling all nostalgic." Lucas reminded pulling her closer.

"You have a fabulous memory." Peyton smiled putting her arms around his neck.

"Only when it comes to you." Lucas answered softly lowering his face and placing a small chaste kiss on her lips. "This is also where we first met." He reminded.

"This is not where we first met." Peyton disagreed. "We had seen each other in school from time to time before that, and than there was that time I almost ran you over with my car." She teased with a smile holding him closely.

"You know what I mean. This is where it really all started. This is where we had our first real, meaningful conversation. It's where you first flirted with me…" Lucas continued.

"I was not flirting with you." Peyton laughed.

"Yes you were. You were trying to get in my pants, telling me how great you were in bed." Lucas countered causing Peyton to giggle and blush profusely.

"I was not. I think you just have a dirty mind." Peyton joked with a not so innocent smirk.

"Up until that day I had only just watched you from afar." Lucas admitted softly running his hand through her silky curls.

"Stalker." Peyton teased with a smile leaning in closely to him.

"But then I finally got to talk to you, get to know you a bit and let you know me. Little did I know that moment would change my world, that it was the beginning of everything." Lucas continued softly gazing down at her with loving eyes.

"That still doesn't explain why we're here." Peyton pointed out looking up at him with waiting eyes. Lucas looked away from her long enough to look out at the sun beginning to set. They allowed their eyes to linger on the setting sun before looking back at each other.

"Because this is the perfect place." Lucas answered simply taking her hand and guiding her a few feet from the car.

"For what?" Peyton laughed because he still wasn't making sense. He turned to her, looking more serious now.

"I knew that day, I knew then. I think I've always known. Peyton, you are the love of my life and I can honestly say no matter who has come and gone, or what distance or space has ever come between us…there's one thing I'm sure of. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. Your it for me. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. No matter what happens I know it'll be okay as long as we're together. You mean everything to me Peyton and I promise you I am going to provide you and our child with the best life possible. I love you Peyton, and I can't imagine a life without you in it." Lucas explained giving the most heartfelt speech and slowly dropping down on one knee. "So please, will you marry me?" He asked looking up at her with so much love in his eyes. He opened up a tiny black velvet box to reveal the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. Peyton gazed down at the man she loved with tears welling up in her eyes.

"Lucas…" Peyton breathed putting her hand over her mouth. "Of course I'll marry you." She barely finished before he sprang to his feet and was kissing her with everything he had in him. He held her tightly and didn't stop kissing her until they were both in need of oxygen. "Like you didn't already know the answer." She laughed breathlessly.

"Well you did break off the engagement." Lucas reminded.

"Now that I'm trapped with your kid I figured what the hell." Peyton joked with a snarky grin. Luke's jaw dropped and he pretended to be hurt pouting as if he was a little boy. She kissed his pout away until he smiled.

"You know it was all part of my master plan." Lucas teased smirk.

"Knock me up so you can have me all to yourself?" Peyton retorted raising a humorous eyebrow.

"Precisely." Lucas grinned kissing her lips.

"I mean who would have thought you'd go from stalker, to soon to be husband. Derek should have taken a page out of your book." Peyton smiled playfully.

"Very funny." Lucas chuckled. Lucas smiled softly to himself thinking back on how much things really had changed. Years ago he watched her from afar and was afraid to talk to her. All his guy friends would tease him. Skills told him to 'dream on.' Then there was Haley finding his notebook with Mr. Lucas Sawyer written all over it. _That wasn't too embarrassing. _Yet, now here he was holding her in his arms. She was pregnant with his child, and soon would be his wife. He had the rest of his life to spend with her.

"What are you thinking about?" Peyton asked softly after the moment of silence and just looking into his ocean blue eyes.

"How beautiful you are…how I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you…_you_." Lucas smiled running a gentle thumb over her cheek.

"I'm so in love with you Lucas." Peyton answered seriously.

"I love you too Peyton." Lucas smiled. He slowly lowered his head kissing her tenderly.

_**XxXxXxXxX**_

Nathan had been planning on schooling Rachel and James. However he hadn't planned on Rachel actually being any good. He looked on as she threw the basketball. The ball went soaring through the air and swooshed right through the hoop. She excitedly jumped up and down with a girl squeal, reminding him of her cheerleading days. James happily jumped up and down.

"Daddy, we're kicking your butt." James exclaimed with a laugh.

"I'm _letting_ you win. It's what Dad's do." Nathan offered with a huff resting his hands on his hips. His knee certainly wasn't what it used to be.

"Why can't you just admit that Team Ramie is wiping the floor with you?" Rachel teased with a smirk. Nathan stood up straight with a challenging smile.

"Your gonna talk that way to a cripple?" Nathan asked playfully in horror as he scooped up the ball.

"You _are not _cripple!" Rachel scolded. "Your still better than half those teens you coach. Bum knee or not." She smiled sweetly. She swatted the ball out of his hands stealing it away from him. "Your just not better than me." She smirked.

She turned away from him and was ready to throw the ball in an attempt to make another basket, when she suddenly began convulsing with laughter. Nathan had grabbed her from behind and was tickling her like crazy. His fingers traveled from her stomach, to her thighs, to her armpits and then back to her stomach again. Rachel was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. She was trying to fight back but failing miserably.

"James, help!" Rachel managed to cry in between her chorus of laughter. James came running forward and immediately started attacking Nathan, coming to Rachel's aid. James jumped on him, flailing his arms in an attempt to do some damage.

"Oh, so you want some of this too huh?" Nathan laughed releasing Rachel.

"Leave her along you big meanie!" James yelled.

"Your supposed to be on my side!" Nathan exclaimed before attacking his son with tickles. James laughed hysterically.

"Rachel!" James called for help. Rachel jumped on Nathan's back and began trying to tickle him, giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"This is war!" Nathan declared and it was now James and Rachel versus Nathan. They were all in a jumble of body parts, having a tickle war and laughing so hard it was a miracle no one had wet themselves.

"Well, isn't this sweet." Diane cleared her throat as she approached. The laughter slowly died down as Nathan released both Rachel and James. They seemed to distance themselves as Nathan turned to face the woman he was dating.

"Hey Diane." Nathan greeted walking forward to give her a sweaty kiss on the cheek. She looked disgruntled and bitter, and the kiss didn't seem to help matters.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Diane snickered crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you mad or something?" Nathan asked with a sigh clearly sensing that she was upset.

"Oh, no. Of course not. I love seeing my boyfriend all over another woman." Diane hissed glaring at Rachel, who in turn was glaring right back.

"Rachel? She and I are friends." Nathan reminded.

"Fine, whatever." Diane huffed feeling annoyed. She tried to push her anger to the side and change the subject. "I was thinking I could make you and James dinner tonight." She added with a smile spreading across her face.

"Okay, that sounds nice. Rach, do you want to stay for dinner?" Nathan offered looking over at her. Diane sent her a heated death glare.

"No, that's okay. I should be going now anyway." Rachel smiled at him.

"Oh, what a shame." Diane lied with a plastic smile. "It's not like you haven't spent enough time together today." She added sarcastically causing Nathan to roll his eyes.

"Ok, so I guess I'll see you around. Say bye to Rachel bud." Nathan answered. James gave Rachel a tight hug and said his goodbyes.

"You two should go and get washed up before dinner." Diane suggested nodding towards the door. Nathan took James hand leading him into the house while Diane followed closely behind. Rachel turned to walk away and head home.

"Rachel!" Diane called her from behind. Rachel spun around, it was the first time the woman had ever gotten her name right. Diane marched right up to her until they were only an inch apart. "Back off!" She warned in a growl before turning to walk back up the steps. Rachel stood there in shock looking after her, unable to speak or make a witty comeback.

_**XxXxXxXxX**_

Rachel grabbed her bag, climbing out of her car and shutting the door behind her. Before she could reach the front door she saw a familiar face sitting on the steps of her front porch. A soft smile lit her face as she approached the steps.

"Teddy Bear." Rachel cooed sweetly using the nickname she had so lovingly gave him. He looked up, locking eyes with her and she immediately knew he was upset. "What's wrong?" She asked with concern.

"You didn't return any of my phone calls." Ted answered quietly.

"I was busy…" Rachel began to explain.

"You were with _him_." Ted spat angrily.

"It's not like that." Rachel insisted immediately.

"I saw you! He was all over you." Ted snapped silencing her. She didn't know what to say. "I went over there after you didn't call me back, thinking I'd surprise you." He continued gesturing to the red roses that lay beside him. Her heart sunk when she looked upon the flowers. She felt awful.

"Teddy, it was completely innocent." Rachel answered softly moving closer. She rested a gentle hand on his.

"I know what I saw." Ted replied coldly.

"Ted, I swear to you nothing is going on between Nathan and I. We're friends, and what you saw was completely innocent. I would never do that to you. I love you, not Nathan." Rachel insisted soothingly trying to calm him down.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Ted yelled jumping to his feet, and in one swift motion she felt his hand slam across her face. She stood there with tears in her eyes, holding her cheek in a mixture of shock and horror. His anger seemed to melt away after seeing her tears and the fear in her eyes.

"Rach, I'm so sorry." Ted uttered in alarm as if he didn't know what had just come over him. He tried to wrap his arms around her but she roughly pushed him away.

"Don't touch me!" Rachel cried. "You will never lay your hands on me again!" She promised before bolting for the door and slamming it in his face.

_**XxXxXxXxX**_

_**A/N:**_ Sorry for the wait!!

Thanks to: **Sarah**(my ST), **Lena, nads, bellasmomma, othstewy, Lizzy2384, leytonlover3!, xobabiidoll, Kaila, LeytonTilEnd, JennVanessa, Serena Rose Lau, RathanIsLove**_(cute name) _**setherfan91, Rachel, Mel, LeytonisHOT, Anberlin, calixx, **and **IloveJamesLafferty. **_Thank you all for the wonderful reviews!! You guys are amazing and truly the reason I love to write. It's always nice to hear what you all think. _

**Mel-** _hug I can't believe you read this fic! That makes me so happy!!_

**Kaila **_– about your request, this chapter was running a bit long as most of mine tend to do so I couldn't really fit your request. I promise you there will be some of that in the future chapter, will definitely work it into the next one. _

_**Preview: **Is this the end for Rachel and Ted, or will she forgive him? Will Rachel listen to Diane and stay away from Nathan? Will Nathan keep away from her? Can Nathan continue on the right path of sobriety? Will Lucas and Peyton really get married? Are they having a boy or a girl? Plus some Rachel/Peyton, all this and much more! Remember to review!_


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7_**

_What if I wanted to break  
Laugh it all off in your face  
What would you do?  
What if I fell to the floor  
Couldn't take all this anymore  
What would you do?_

_**XoXoXoX **_

Rachel sat in the loneliness of her car, feeling the walls closing in on her. She sat there, her hands clenched to the steering wheel because she just couldn't handle one more second of laying in the dark and suffocating loneliness her room. She hadn't been able to sleep and the incident from earlier with Ted wouldn't seem to stop haunting her. It certainly hadn't helped that he wouldn't stop calling her. She had to go as far as unplugging her phone and shutting off her cell phone.

She revved up the engine to the car and drove off into the night. She couldn't stay there. She needed to talk to someone. She just didn't want to be alone. The first person to come to mind was Peyton. Peyton was her closest friend. Rachel turned to her with everything. She felt like running into Peyton's arms and crying. How could she have been so wrong about Ted? She let out a heavy sigh realizing Peyton wasn't an option, at least not at this time of night. It was late and Peyton was pregnant. She had enough of her own things to worry about. She didn't need Rachel on her doorstep causing she and Lucas to lose sleep.

Rachel frowned sadly. She didn't really have anyone else. She took a sharp turn suddenly on impulse, deciding she would drive to Nathan's house. She didn't know why. She had never really confided in Nathan. It was late and he didn't really need her burdening him either. She just _needed someone._ Before she could talk herself out of it she had parked her car and was approaching Nathan's front door. She rang the doorbell and there was no going back now. She touched her own face, her fingers lightly stroking where Ted had hit her. When she had looked in the mirror right after the incident with Ted, the spot where he had struck her was red with a little swelling. He had managed to not leave any bruising. She was still very shaken by the whole ordeal. She just couldn't believe he had actually hit her. She had never seen him that way. A few moments later, the porch light came on and the door slowly creaked open. Rachel's mouth dropped at the figure that stood before her. This night couldn't get any worse.

"Robin?" Diane uttered with a look of surprise and disdain. She looked like she had just been woken up, and wasn't exactly thrilled about it.

"Is Nathan home? I need to talk to him." Rachel answered crossing her arms over her chest. Diane's nostrils flared with a hostile annoyance and a grim smile played across her face.

"Come in." Diane replied opening the door a little wider to allow Rachel to enter. Rachel cautiously slipped passed her knowing all too well this wasn't a friendly invite. Diane wasn't happy she was there, and she knew it. She couldn't care less about Diane. She had come here to see Nathan, and now part of her was regretting it. Rachel turned to face the 'Wicked Witch of Tree Hill', as she had taken to calling her. Diane had shut the door behind them and was now staring at Rachel the way a cat would its prey. She moved further into the room and Rachel leaned against the counter, near the door she had just entered. An icy silence washed over them as they eyed each other briefly.

"What are you doing here?" Diane asked raising a challenging eyebrow.

"I came to see Nathan-" Rachel began but was cut off before she could finish.

"I got that part, what I don't understand is why." Diane spat. Rachel's temper flared at being spoken to in a disrespectful tone and soon the claws came out.

"That's none of your business." Rachel sneered.

"You see that's where you're wrong. Anything that has to do with Nathan is my business." Diane hissed. "I think you need to stop being so delusional, pull your head out of the clouds and realize that Nathan is not your boyfriend. He never will be. He and James, they are never going to be your family. No matter how much pity time he spends with you." She explained harshly. Rachel could feel tears brimming her eyes but she wasn't about to cry in front of this bitch.

"Excuse me?" Rachel uttered but that was all she could say. Where was all of her witty bitchiness when she needed it? Right now it seemed to be painfully clogged up in her throat.

"I see the way you look at him Rachel. A woman always knows." Diane answered simply.

"Nathan and I are friends. You don't know anything about…" Rachel began heatedly.

"I wasn't born yesterday. You want him. Well, that's too bad because I'm not going anywhere. Nathan and James need me in their lives. I'm grounded and stable. Nathan has enough baggage. He doesn't need someone who is a bigger wreck then he is. He needs someone who is going to help make his life better. Nathan needs someone who is going to be his equal. He needs someone who can inspire him to get on his feet and do the right thing. He doesn't need some lovesick, insecure, attention whore, who is nothing but damaged goods " Diane explained her voice dripping with malice. Diane had taken courses in psychology and she knew Rachel's type all too well. Rachel couldn't believe her ears. This woman didn't even know her, not really. But she was definitely perceptive. Rachel couldn't help but feel like every word she said held some truth. She bit back tears that seemed so badly to want to come out. This night had been awful, she was tired and all she wanted want to do was cry her eyes out. She held it in.

"Why don't we let Nathan be the judge of that?" Rachel retorted in a controlled voice.

"You actually think he'd choose you over me? He chooses to be with me. I don't have to get him intoxicated just to look my way." Diane smirked. This had struck a chord. Suddenly all the cruel things Nathan had ever said to her came rushing back.

_Did you ever stop to think that maybe I don't have a drinking problem? That maybe I just have to get smashed when I hook up with you because you make my skin crawl. Did you ever think of that? Haven't you ever wondered why I can't bring myself to touch you unless I'm completely drunk?! You disgust me. _His words echoed in her head over and over again. She felt like getting sick.

"The point is I'm his future. Do yourself a favor and back off before you embarrass yourself any further. Or, I'll make sure your nothing but his past." She promised moving closer to Rachel.

"Is everything alright?" Nathan asked suddenly appearing in the doorway wearing nothing but boxers. His hair was a mess and it was clear he had been woken up. Nathan eyed both women and immediately felt the thickening tension in the room. His eyes fell upon Rachel. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Sweetheart." Diane smiled turning to him. "Everything is fine. Rachel was just leaving." She explained. Rachel glared at the back of Diane's head. She fought the urge to grab Diane by the hair and smash her pretty little face right into the counter. _Then we'll see whose damaged goods, bitch. _

"I should go." Rachel agreed but not for the sake of backing down and giving Diane what she wanted. She had to get out of there because she knew she was about to break. She turned as fast as she could towards the door. She couldn't get out of there fast enough. She was surprised when she felt someone gently grab her arm and spin her back around. Nathan had swiftly moved from the doorway, to where he stood close right before her. His hand hadn't left her arm. Nathan's eyes held an unsettled expression. Now that he was just a few inches away from her, he could tell by the look on her face that something was definitely wrong. Her chin trembled and tears were threatening to spill onto her face.

"Rach, are you sure everything is okay?" Nathan asked softly staring at her hard. Rachel took a deep breath and mustered all of her strength.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine." Rachel lied with a forced smile.

"I'm not stupid Rachel. Why on Earth would you come here at this time of night if nothing is wrong?" Nathan pointed out sternly. He had a point. "Is it Lucas or Peyton? Is something wrong…" He began to question.

"No, they're fine. Everything is fine. I just couldn't sleep and…it was stupid of me to come. I'm sorry for waking you." Rachel insisted turning on her heel and hurriedly running out the door. Nathan reluctantly shut the door after her, turning to face Diane.

"I'm beat, let's go back to bed." Diane yawned gesturing for him to join her. Nathan stood still, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I heard what you said to her Diane." Nathan snapped and she was taken aback by his tone.

"I beg your pardon?" Diane gasped as if she had no idea what he was referring too. She seemed to be shocked that he had heard her.

"I heard some of what you said to her." Nathan repeated angrily. "Where do you get off-" He began furiously.

"Somebody had to do it. All I did was tell her the truth." Diane shrugged simply.

"The truth? You think that's the truth. Okay this is getting out of hand. You're a complete control freak and all you do is try to change me. You get upset when I bring up Haley and now your trying to choose who I can and can't hang out with? None of my friends like you, my own son doesn't even like you. You're overbearing, uptight and worst of all your cruel." Nathan snapped feeling enraged by all these things that had been building up.

"Excuse me?" Diane cried completely flustered by the onslaught of insults. Nathan wasn't stopping. He was on a roll.

"You think you're my future? That someday your just gonna be the one who makes it all okay? Your not! You want to know why I chose you? I chose you because I could never be serious about you. You're not my type at all. I could never see myself being with someone like you long term. I chose you because I knew we had no future." Nathan yelled hostility burning bright in his eyes. Diane was stunned silent and in Nathan's mind this was a good thing. The less he had to hear of her whiny nagging voice, the better.

"So, this entire time you've been stringing me along?!" Diane hissed heatedly.

"You knew I wasn't ready. You've always known. You just wanted to mold me into who you wanted me to be. You saw in me a broken man and thought you could put me back together the way you wanted, make me yours. I'm never gonna be that guy and your not my future. What I'm trying to say is, I'm done. You and I are over. It's late, if you want to spend the night, you still can. But after this we're finished." Nathan ended it finally. Diane couldn't believe her ears. _Did he really just break up with her?_

"I can't believe your breaking up with me over her!" Diane scoffed angrily. Despite how many times Nathan stated his reasons; she was still blaming it on Rachel.

"It has nothing to do with her. It's you." Nathan spat truthfully. "I'll sleep on the couch." He added before walking towards the doorway. "Oh, and I might have been drunk all the times I was with Rachel…but at least she didn't bore me to sleep in bed. Sex shouldn't feel like a chore." He snickered with a smirk. After the way she had spoken to Rachel he figured she deserved a few mean comments of her own. He walked out of the room and Diane's cheeks burned with embarrassed. She was mad as hell and she had never felt more humiliated. Instead of waiting until morning, she grabbed her car keys and slammed the door on her way out. She sped off down the street and out of Nathan's life.

_**XoXoXoXoX**_

Peyton briskly made her way to the door. It was late and she had no idea why anyone would need to see her at this hour. She opened the door to see Rachel standing before her, looking upset and completely unstable.

"Rachel." Peyton murmured in concern as Rachel walked passed her into the house. Peyton shut the door and she was quickly at Rachel's side. "Rach, is everything okay?" She asked softly.

Rachel couldn't hold it in anymore. She began to sob frantically and she couldn't stop. Peyton immediately pulled her into a tight hug. She soothingly ran her hand over Rachel's hair. Rachel clung to her tightly crying harder. Peyton rubbed her back gently calming her down until she was finally at a point where she could at least talk. Peyton took Rachel's hand and led her to the bedroom of Luke's home.

"What happened?" Peyton asked softly as they sat down.

"I'm just so stupid." Rachel cried as the tears continued on like steady rain.

"You are _not _stupid." Peyton scolded. Rachel shook her head. She had been stupid in so many ways.

"Why can't things ever turn out the way that you want them too?" Rachel shook her head.

"Rachel, what happened?" Peyton asked once more taking Rachel's hand and giving it a supportive squeeze.

"I don't think things are going to work out between Ted and I." Rachel admitted her lower lip trembling with emotion.

"Why not?! He's a great guy." Peyton gasped. Rachel sighed, if only she knew the half of it. If Peyton knew what Ted had done, she would have wanted to buy a rifle and march right to his house. Or maybe run him over with her car. Peyton was incredibly loyal and when she cared about someone, she loved them fiercely. So if Peyton found out exactly what Ted had done, there would have been no redeeming him in her eyes.

That was just the kind of friend Peyton was. And while Rachel loved her for that, she didn't know if she wanted Peyton to hate Ted or not. She wasn't sure if she and Ted were really over, and it made her sick that she was actually considering forgiving him. The truth was other than that one huge mistake he made, he was a great guy. He was the closest thing to love or happiness she had ever known. She wasn't going to tell Peyton, at least not just yet.

"I just never realized he was so jealous. It's making him say and do things. He's not acting like himself." Rachel explained not going into too much detail. "He's jealous of Nathan." She confessed looking to Peyton for a reaction.

"That's understandable. I think any guy would be a little jealous; you and Nathan do have history. It's not the kind of history most boyfriends want to think about." Peyton reasoned. "Ted is a great guy. I really think he's good for you. I'm sure he's sorry for whatever it was you two argued about. Maybe you're being a little too hard on him." She suggested.

"I'm not being too hard on him." Rachel insisted. "So you think I should forgive him?" She asked even though she knew it wasn't a very fair question since she hadn't given Peyton any details.

"I'm sure whatever happened couldn't have been that bad Rach. You've forgiven others for much worse than a little jealousy. You forgave Nathan." Peyton pointed out. "Ted loves you. If he didn't care seeing you with Nathan wouldn't bother him." She reminded putting her arm around Rachel.

Rachel struggled to keep in mind that Peyton didn't know the whole story. She just couldn't shake the feeling that she wanted to give Ted another chance, which in itself was just crazy. _What kind of girl takes a guy back that has abused her? _Rachel didn't want to be one of those pathetic women on talk shows. Yet, here she was considering taking him back after he had slapped her. She couldn't help but feel like she hated herself. She and Peyton sat in silence holding each other. Rachel giggled when she felt the baby kick.

"Feisty, just like your Mommy." Rachel smirked playfully. They both giggled and Lucas appeared in the doorway.

"Rachel?" Lucas uttered in surprised. "Two women in my bed." He grinned mischievously.

"You wish." Peyton smiled slyly. "Where's my ice cream?" She prodded impatiently.

"You sent him out at this time for ice cream?" Rachel laughed.

"I was hungry." Peyton pouted defensively.

"Not just ice cream; pickles. Ice cream and pickles." Lucas informed making a sour face.

"Ew" Rachel cringed. Peyton's eyes bulged out of her head.

"It's SO good! You've got to try it." Peyton moaned enthusiastically.

"Cravings…yeah, the cravings are interesting." Lucas yawned handing over the ice cream and pickles to Peyton. "The things I do for you." He smiled kissing her forehead.

"You better! This is all your fault." Peyton insisted digging into the ice cream like she hadn't eaten in days.

"It takes two, babe." Lucas smirked as he plopped down on the bed sinking into the mattress. Peyton nudged him over and he grumbled.

"You're taking up all the bed and hogging the covers." Peyton complained as she poked him with her finger. Lucas rolled over and sat up.

"_I'M_ taking up all the bed?" Lucas asked staring down at her belly.

"I'm pregnant you ass!" Peyton cried slapping him in the arm and he couldn't help but laugh. "Your not funny" She pouted turning away from him. Rachel stood up.

"I should be going…" Rachel offered looking at Peyton.

"You're not going anywhere! I'm not letting you leave when you're upset like this." Peyton answered softly.

"What happened?" Lucas murmured.

"She and Ted got into a fight." Peyton replied.

"I'm fine." Rachel insisted and she knew by the look in her eye that she hadn't convinced Peyton of that at all.

"I haven't seen you cry like that in a long time. Do you really want to go home and be all alone?" Peyton asked softly and this made Rachel's features sadden. Peyton was right; she didn't want to be alone.

"Where would I sleep?" Rachel asked raising an eyebrow.

"We have a spare room…" Lucas began and Peyton slapped him. "Ow" He muttered.

"Nonsense, she'll sleep with us." Peyton insisted scooting over to make room for Rachel.

"No, it's okay. I can sleep in the spare room." Rachel insisted.

"Rachel, get in this bed right now." Peyton demanded.

"Please, just do what she says." Lucas called over his shoulder. Peyton moved over a little more and Rachel climbed into the bed with them. Peyton shoved Lucas off the bed and onto the hard wood floor.

"Ouch!" Lucas cried.

"That's what you get for calling me fat!" Peyton smirked half way done with her ice cream pickles. Lucas grumbled as he climbed back into bed. Peyton finished her ice cream, tossing the carton in the garbage. They all adjusted snug and comfortably under the covers. Lucas appeared to already be sleep. Rachel reached over shutting off the lamp. Silence washed over the room as Rachel shut her heavy eyes.

"So, about that threesome." Lucas called suddenly in a playful tone. Rachel laughed when the next thing she heard was Lucas hitting the floor after Peyton pushed him off the bed once again. She smiled when she heard Peyton giggling beside her.

"Ouch." Lucas cried.

_**XoXoXoXoX**_

That morning Rachel had left after breakfast. Lucas and Peyton were now in the other spare room that was slowly becoming the baby room. Karen had come over to help them decorate the room and also drop off some of Luke's old baby stuff, and a few things Lily had grown out of. Karen and Peyton were going through the baby things. Karen was reminiscing about Luke's childhood, causing him to blush when she indulged on the embarrassing stories.

"Okay, Mom that's enough. We get the point." Lucas called teasingly.

"What? I think it's cute." Peyton beamed turning back to Karen.

"And he used to call Keith, _Keef. _Because he couldn't pronounce Keith." Karen laughed. Lucas chuckled as he plastered the wallpaper evenly to the wall. They had decided to go with teddy bear wallpaper. It was beige and seemed neutral enough to be a girls or boys room.

"I hope your having fun. You just wait until your father gets back. I'll have him bust out the photo albums, especially that one picture you hate from 4th grade…" Lucas teased.

"Ugh, not the one from 4th grade." Peyton whined playfully.

"I have some pretty classic photo albums of Lucas if you want to see them sometime." Karen offered with a smile.

"I'd love too." Peyton smirked sending Lucas a fake glare.

"Mom, you're supposed to be on my side." Lucas reminded with a laugh.

"Mothers have to stick together." Karen reasoned putting her arm around Peyton.

"So, I was thinking after this we could go over and start moving your stuff out of Rachel's?" Lucas suggested stepping off of the ladder and turning to face Peyton. "I mean, I can move stuff and you can stand there and look pretty while you watch." He grinned because they both knew he wasn't going to let her help.

"I can help if you need a hand." Karen offered smiling warmly.

"Thanks Mom, that'd be great." Lucas smiled.

"I don't think today is such a good idea." Peyton answered doubtfully.

"You've been saying that all week." Lucas answered with a chuckle while also giving her a look. He was right. She had been saying that all week because she was trying to put it off. She was just hoping he hadn't noticed. "What's the matter Peyton?" He asked more seriously after a brief moment of silence.

"I'm gonna go and get a drink. Anyone else want anything?" Karen offered after noticing the looks between them, attempting to leave them alone.

"I'll have some water." Peyton smiled sweetly.

"No thanks. I'm fine." Lucas replied. His mother smiled in exchange and exited the room. Lucas turned back to Peyton giving her that same look. "Why have you been trying to avoid moving out of Rachel's?" He asked softly.

"I don't know." Peyton frowned with a sigh. "It's not that I don't want to live here. I mean I practically do. I haven't spent the night there in forever." She offered.

"So, what's the problem?" Lucas chuckled.

"I just don't want to leave Rachel behind." Peyton sighed heavily. "For a long time all we've had are each other. She's been like my support system. She was there when you couldn't be." She explained sadly.

"Peyton you're not leaving her behind. You two are still great friends. That doesn't have to change." Lucas insisted tenderly stroking her hair. "But we're starting a family and getting married. That includes living together." He reminded with a playful nudge.

"I just don't want her to be alone in that house all by herself. I'm all she has. And for a while she was all I had too. It just feels like things aren't gonna be the same." Peyton shook her head. "She's my family, just as much as you are." She added thoughtfully.

"Then she should move in with us!" Lucas offered spontaneously.

"What?!" Peyton asked looking surprised.

"You don't want to leave her behind, and I want to live with the mother of my child. So, she should just move in with us. If you think about it, it's perfect. Plus, it would really help Rachel out too. It will cut down on her bills, so she won't have to work as much. She'll be able to focus on school more." Lucas explained enthusiastically already planning the whole thing out in his head.

"You would do that?" Peyton asked looking up at him with loving eyes.

"Yeah, why not?" Lucas asked putting his arms around her.

"It's our first home, we're having our first child. We're starting our life together. I just thought…" Peyton began.

"Peyton, it's important to you. So it's important to me too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and if that means sharing my home with half of Tree Hill, then I will find a way to do it." Lucas smiled being rewarded with a gentle kiss.

"Your too good to be true Lucas Eugene Scott." Peyton kissed him again softly.

"Besides, Rachel is my friend too. She's kind of become like a little sister." Lucas reasoned. "Not to mention we'll have our very own live in babysitter." He grinned.

"You think of everything don't you?" Peyton smiled happily.

_**XoXoXoXoX**_

Rachel couldn't help but smile when she approached her apartment to find the front door was covered with several bouquets of flowers. She shouldn't be smiling after what he had done. She didn't have to read a single card. She knew they were all from Ted. She tried to tell herself what he did was unforgivable. She was still angry but it seemed with each passing second was actually considering forgiving him. She unlocked the door and entered her apartment.

She sat down on the coach taking out her cell phone and finally turning it back on. She had 11 missed calls. 10 of them being from Ted, and one being from her parents. The messages from Ted all sounded pretty similar with the exception of the last one. In each message he was apologizing and begging for another chance. In the last message he left though, she could hear him choke up and break down in tears. Rachel frowned; hearing him cry like that had stuck a chord. Despite what had happened Ted was the one man that had really cared about her. Other men had just used her as if she was only good for one thing, but Ted wanted more. He wanted to be her future.

The last message was from her mother. Her mother had called to remind her that she and Ted were supposed to meet them for dinner that night. Rachel sighed feeling annoyed. She wasn't looking forward to telling her mother that it wouldn't be happening. She knew exactly what she was going to hear. Her mother would sigh with unsympathetic disappointment making it apparent that she wasn't surprised that Rachel had once again managed to somehow ruin a relationship. Suddenly, she felt like talking to Ted. Something she had been avoiding ever since their last encounter. She dialed his number and he immediately picked up.

"Thank God! I've been trying to get a hold of you for hours. Honey, I'm so sorry." Ted apologized immediately sounding so worried and sincere. "I love you so much. You know I would never want to hurt you. I don't know what got into to me. The thought of you and another guy just makes me feel so crazy. Please, give me another chance." He pleaded desperately.

"Ted, you hit me!" Rachel cried angrily. "There's no excuse for it. You're never going to lay your hands on me like that again!" She added heatedly.

"I know! It was a terrible mistake. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back. I promise you, it will never happen again. Please just give me another chance. I love you." Ted sobbed. He couldn't lose her. He loved her so much. He'd do anything.

"I don't know." Rachel sighed seeming to soften and feeling even more confused.

"Don't you love me?" Ted demanded softly.

"Of course I do but…" Rachel began but was interrupted.

"You forgave Nathan for everything he did! I made one mistake." Ted cried becoming upset.

"Nathan never hit me!" Rachel snapped.

"He might as well have with everything else he put you through! You love him more than you love me don't you?!" Ted retorted becoming emotional.

"No, I don't love Nathan." Rachel insisted.

"He treated you like crap, on one occasion he practically raped you! He abused you in all the ways a person can be abused. You didn't hesitate to forgive him. I made one mistake and it will _never_ happen again. The whole reason I got so upset is because I am in love with you. But it'll never happen again. If you love me why won't you believe me? Or at least give me a chance to prove it too you?" Ted pleaded and she could hear him crying. She was beginning to feel guilty, which was just crazy. She was supposed to be angry with him. She didn't know what to say.

"I wish I could take it back. All I can do is promise you that it'll never happen again. I just wish you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I'm so sorry." He continued to sob.

"I always promised myself I would never be with a guy that hits me. I don't want to be one of those girls." Rachel admitted. "I do love you Ted. But if it happens again…" She sighed. Because abusive men always made the empty promises that they wouldn't do it again. She didn't want to be the stupid girl that believed those lies and continue to let a guy beat up on her.

"It won't! Please just give me a chance to prove it to you. I don't know what I'll do without you. I love you." Ted promised. "God, I just want to kill myself." He uttered and his voice was full of raw emotion.

"Teddy, don't talk like that!" Rachel scolded him.

"It's true! I can't believe what I did. I've never done anything like that. I just love you so much. Please Rachel…" Ted replied choking on his tears.

"If I give you another chance you have to promise this will never happen again Ted. I mean it." Rachel sighed finally hoping she wouldn't regret her decision.

"I promise!" Ted cried joyfully. She could hear his shear happiness over the phone. It was as if a weight had been lifted. She smiled to herself.

"And if anything like this ever does happen again, we're done Ted. I mean it." Rachel warned sternly.

"It won't." Ted promised. "You won't regret this. You'll see." He smiled his mood becoming much less dark.

"I guess you can prove it to me tonight when we have dinner with my parents. I'll see you at 8?" Rachel offered with a smile.

"Definitely. I can't wait." Ted replied sweetly.

"I'm gonna go take a shower…" Rachel began.

"You tease." Ted joked playfully.

"I'm leaving you with some nice mental images before we hang up." Rachel reasoned with a flirty grin.

"True. I love you and I'll see you tonight." Ted laughed.

"Love you too, bye." Rachel responded before hanging up. She fiddled with her phone for a moment wondering if she had made the right decision in taking Ted back. He had never acted that way before so maybe he really never would do it again. She loved him and for now she would just have to take a leap of faith and hope that he kept his promise. She tossed her phone back in her purse and headed toward the bathroom. If she was going to be having dinner with her parents everything had to be perfect, including the way she looked.

_**XoXoXoXoX**_

Rachel sat awkwardly at a table with her parents and Ted, in a fancy restaurant. To say she was uncomfortable would have been putting it kindly. For one thing, her parents seemed to like Ted more than they liked her. Another thing was that he parents were always very critical of her even though they didn't seem to give a crap about her half the time.

"Did you hear that Rachel? He's going to school for business management. You shouldn't let this one get away. He sounds like a real keeper." Her mother smiled charmingly.

"Rachel is amazing, Mr. and Mrs. Gattina. I'm really the lucky one." Ted smiled causing Rachel to blush.

"Isn't that sweet?" Mrs. Gattina cooed sounding completely smitten with him. "Rachel has always done well academically." She beamed the one time her mother actually looked proud of her.

"Beauty and brains." Ted smiled. "I'm sure she gets it from you." He winked at her she giggled slapping his arm playfully.

"It's a wonder she graduated." Mr. Gattina interjected. "She's a bright girl but she's been kicked out of so many schools, I lost track." He chuckled. Rachel's cheeks burned with embarrassment.

"Our Rachel has always been rebellious." Mrs. Gattina agreed.

"I think that's what makes her so much fun to be around." Ted smiled turning everything they said into a compliment. Rachel smiled at him and he squeezed her hand. The waiter came over to their table and began to take their orders. They had already eaten dinner and now it was time for dessert. Everyone else ordered and it was now Rachel's turn to place hers.

"I'll take the double chocolate…" Rachel began to order.

"Dear, are you sure you wouldn't rather have a salad?" Mr. Gattina interrupted before she could finish.

"For dessert?" Rachel scoffed.

"Well, you already ate that huge steak. Now your ordering a big slice of calorie filled cake." Mr. Gattina reasoned. "I just noticed that it looks like you put on a few pounds since I last saw you. Your arms look kind of flabby and your stomach looks a bit pudgy. You wouldn't want to revert back to your old body now would you?" He asked raising a disapproving brow. Rachel looked horrified and she had never felt more embarrassed and humiliated in her life. Ted's face fell with concern by the look on Rachel's face.

"I think Rachel looks amazing." Ted replied in a heartfelt tone.

"Me too." The young waiter agreed causing Ted to glare at him. He looked to the floor awkwardly.

"She might look okay now, but it cost her mother and I a fortune." Mr. Gattina informed them. Rachel wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. "You see, Rachel used to be overweight. I'm just looking out for you dear." He smiled but there was no warm kindness in his smile.

"May I be excused?" Rachel asked quietly and her father waved her off.

Rachel entered the Women's bathroom. She entered the nearest stall, shut the door and sitting down on the toilet began to cry. Her body shook as she held her head in her hands. Her parents had always been so critical of her, that sometimes it was worse than the bully's at school who would torment her with fat jokes. For her father, having a fat daughter was an embarrassment. He had been the one to suggest plastic surgery. He would rather have her risk her life going under the knife for surgery than admit the little chubby girl was his daughter. She always felt like she was trying to be good enough for them or meet their expectations but constantly fell short. So she got the surgery for herself and her father.

Rachel kneeled before the toilet and did something she hadn't done in the longest time. She put her finger in her throat and forced herself to gag. She began to puke, and slowly the contents in her stomach poured out of her mouth and into the toilet. She had taken to keeping her body in shape the healthy way by dieting and exercise. But every so often she would do it the unhealthy way and purge, take diet pills, consume ex-lax (when she didn't need it), or simply starve herself. She didn't see it as a problem because she hadn't done it in a long time and it was something she controlled. She just could never go back to being that big. She _had _to stay thin. She spit trying to get the disgusting taste out of her mouth. She cried harder into the toilet bowl. After being in a pathetic heap on the floor she finally stood up and wiped the tears from her face. She couldn't stay in there forever. She had to finish the night even if it killed her.

_**XoXoXoXoXoX**_

**A/N: **_One thing I want to make clear is that I know Danneel Harris doesn't have an ounce of flab or pudgy-ness on her. But with Rachel's past it just makes sense to me. And just because she has a perfect body, doesn't necessarily mean that is what Rachel sees when she looks in the mirror. _

_The song used in the chapter was The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars._

**Thanks to: Sarah, nedhu, RathanIsLove, elighmorgif, Mel, LeytonTilEnd, Anberlin, LeytonLover3, calixx, bellasmomma, RaeRaeRaeLiz, xobabiidoll, IloveJameslafferty, ocjourney, LVRofTristan, leytonetreehill, Rachel, princetongirl, Kaila, and Serena Rose Lau **_for all of the reviews!! And for those who wanted more Karen/LP there will be more in upcoming chapters as well. _

**Preview: **_One mistake leads to dire consequences. I have a feeling you guys will like the next few chapters. Now remember to leave some juicy reviews, Or I will kill off Rachel in the next chapter! (I kid…maybe! Lol And Sarah it will not be a great moment for angst I will have everyone laughing and celebrating at her funeral. evil cackle Just playing, you know I flove you guys right? –hug-)_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_**XoXoX**_

Rachel stood in the dressing room taking in her appearance. She felt like the mirror was cruelly taunting her as the saleswoman furiously tried to help her zip up the dress. Rachel took in a deep breath sucking in her stomach feeling embarrassed. She felt like she was a little bloated but had she really gained weight?! She felt mortified by the thought. Before she could stop herself from thinking it, she considered purging what she had eaten for breakfast even though she knew it was wrong. Had she really gone up an entire dress size? She had been feeling a lot more self-conscience after the horrific evening she spent with Ted and her parents.

"I'm sorry Ma'am what size did you say you were again?" The Saleswoman asked looking at the tag. "Oops, I think I grabbed the wrong size. I apologize, I'll be back with the correct size in one moment." She added kindly and Rachel sighed with relief. She felt better knowing the dress just wasn't the right size. She was close to having a panic attack when the damn thing wouldn't zip. The woman re-emerged with the right size this time and exited the room so Rachel could change. This time the dress fit her like a glove. Rachel opened the door to find Peyton waiting, staring at her expectantly. Rachel walked further into the room so Peyton could get a better look and did a little twirl.

"Nah, I don't like it." Peyton shook her head. They were at a bridal shop. Although Peyton couldn't exactly pick out a wedding dress just yet, that didn't mean they couldn't find dresses for the brides maids and get started on other wedding plans. Lucas and Peyton had decided they wanted to have the wedding not too long after the baby was born, so it was important to get things started now. Lucas and his mother Karen were on the other side of the bridal shop taking care of other arrangements for the wedding with the wedding planner. Unlike most men, Lucas wanted to be very involved in the planning of the wedding. He wanted things to be perfect. Peyton was just happy with the idea of spending the rest of her life with him, she didn't need anything big but Lucas insisted.

"Me either, it's too…pink." Rachel agreed scrunching her nose.

"Well, what color do you think the dresses should be?" Peyton asked.

"I don't know, not pink." Rachel shrugged with a smirk.

"You're a lot of help, really." Peyton rolled her eyes playfully. Rachel turned back to the mirror that was outside of the dressing room.

"I hate trying on clothes." Rachel winced in disgust. "It makes me feel fat." She sighed sucking in her already flat stomach and turning sideways. Peyton gawked at Rachel not believing her ears. Did Rachel not see herself? She was a freaking Goddess.

"There's not an ounce of fat on you!" Peyton cried. "_I _should be the one who feels fat." She exclaimed with a laugh.

"You have an excuse." Rachel smirked over her shoulder.

"You're not fat." Peyton stated. "How did that dinner with Ted meeting your parents go anyhow?" She asked suddenly.

"It went like it always does." Rachel admitted with a sad indifferent shrug. She could act like she didn't care, or like it didn't bother her but Peyton always knew better. It had been a little over a week since the dinner with her parents and it was still bothering her.

"What happened?" Peyton asked softly.

"The usual, my parents always make me feel like I'm never good enough so why should it be any different when they are meeting my boyfriend. I swear I think they liked him more than they like me." Rachel admitted bitterly.

"I'm sorry." Peyton replied sympathetically. "Have things with you and Ted at least gotten better?" She asked hopefully.

"Yeah, everything is great." Rachel shrugged. This was true, since getting back together everything had been great. Ted treated her like gold and most of all he helped silence the demons that always seemed to haunt her. Those voices in her head that always told her she wasn't good enough. He didn't make any of this go away but he helped her to forget how crummy things could be most of the time. He was always giving her compliments and telling her how amazing she was. He made her feel special, wanted and loved. Rachel had been searching for that her entire life. "Look what he got me." She smiled flashing the sparkling bracelet that hung from her wrist.

"Diamonds? Things are getting serious." Peyton teased.

"I guess." Rachel shrugged. "I don't think we'll ever have what you and Lucas have, but money can't buy that kind of love." She reasoned looking through the racks of dresses.

"You think he's trying to buy you?" Peyton asked raising an eyebrow. Rachel let out an exasperated sigh before replying.

"I don't know what to think. Sometimes I feel like I'm dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There are times when it's amazing and then other times not so much. I don't like how jealous and controlling he can be." Rachel vented. "First he doesn't want me hanging out with Nathan, now he's trying to tell me how to dress…" She admitted.

"Tell you how to dress?" Peyton repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, he doesn't want my wearing low cut shirts or short skirts anymore. He says he should be the only man who gets to see me like that." Rachel scoffed.

"That's how you dressed when he met you and he liked you then." Peyton argued with a look of disgust.

"Exactly! Yet now he wants me to change." Rachel answered sounding frustrated.

"That's not good. You need to talk to him about it before it gets out of hand." Peyton advised. Rachel bit her lip, was slapping her across the face out of hand? She was pretty sure that was considered out of hand. If Peyton had known that, Ted would be seeing a pregnant lady with a rifle and she couldn't have that.

"I've tried too." Rachel insisted.

"I like Ted, but if it gets any worse maybe you should call it quits." Peyton answered finally.

"Oh, what about this one?" Rachel asked suddenly yanking a dress off the rack.

"No, it looks more like a slutty prom dress." Peyton declined making a face.

"I'm surprised Brooke hasn't twisted your arm into letting her make the dresses." Rachel admitted with an amused smile. "She will be back for the wedding right?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"She won't be here for the birth of the baby but she promised she'll make it for the wedding." Peyton shrugged. "And she wanted too but she has a lot going on right now. I guess she is really struggling with this whole designer thing. She's not doing as well as she was putting out to be at first." She explained with a frown.

"That sucks." Rachel frowned and she couldn't help feeling worried about Brooke. Brooke had first made it sound like she was about to hit it big so to hear that she was really struggling was a surprise. Fashion was a hard business but if anyone could do it, Brooke could.

"So, how would you feel about being my Maid of Honor?" Peyton asked suddenly with a hopeful look. Rachel looked at her with genuine surprise. She had just assumed that Brooke would be the Maid of Honor, and she would be a bridesmaid.

"What about Brooke?" Rachel uttered.

"No matter the distance, Brooke will always be one of my best friends." Peyton admitted. "But over the years you and I have just become so close. It's gotten to a point that I don't know how I would have ever made it without you. So I really want you to be my Maid of Honor and as for Brooke, she'll understand." She explained with a soft smile. Rachel could feel happy tears in her eyes and she pulled Peyton into a tight hug.

"Of course I will." Rachel answered happily.

"And I have one more question." Peyton announced pulling away from the embrace. "Lucas and I want you to move in with us!" She exclaimed.

"W-what?" Rachel stuttered in surprise. "Peyton that's crazy." She cried looking at Peyton like she had grown a third head.

"No, it's not! What's the use of you living in that apartment all by yourself when Lucas and I have a spacious home with more than enough room for you." Peyton insisted enthusiastically.

"And how does Lucas feel about all this?" Rachel reminded.

"It was his idea! We both want you to move in with us. I don't want to move out and leave you behind. Your like a sister, I've become so used to having you around. You would be over at our house all of them time anyway. It would help you out financially and if we ever needed a babysitter you would be right there." Peyton reasoned.

"Peyton, the two of are having a baby, and your getting married soon. You don't need me hanging around as some kind of an odd third wheel in your marriage. You two are starting a family together." Rachel answered shaking her head doubtfully. "I don't think it's a good idea." She began to argue, all the reasons why it was a wonderful and awful idea were swirling around in her head.

"You're my family too! I realize we're just starting our family, but I still feel the same. I want you to move in with us. And if you don't, well then Lucas is gonna be pretty upset." Peyton shrugged with a sigh.

"Why's that?" Rachel smirked.

"Because if you don't move in, neither do I." Peyton smiled wickedly.

"Peyton, you wouldn't." Rachel gasped.

"My things are still at your place aren't they?" Peyton reminded with a challenging look.

"Are you really sure about this?" Rachel asked giving her a serious look.

"Yes!" Peyton exclaimed. Rachel bit her lower lip before letting a huge smile light up her face.

"Okay, fine!" Rachel laughed when Peyton pulled her into a giant hug. As she was hugging Peyton, Rachel noticed that they had been so involved in their conversation that they hadn't seen Nathan walk through the door of the bridal shop. "What's he doing here?" She asked after releasing Peyton. Peyton followed her gaze.

"He and Lucas are supposed to go out and look at tuxedos." Peyton informed. Rachel felt Nathan look over at them. She hadn't spoken to Nathan since the night Ted hit her. There were a few reasons for this. They were both busy first of all and she really didn't feel like having another encounter with Diane. And if she was really honest with herself, she didn't want to risk upsetting Ted by being around Nathan too much.

"At least he left the witch home this time." Rachel snickered.

"_Ding, dong the witch is dead…" _Peyton sang with a smirk.

"No such luck." Rachel snorted.

"Or, at least we won't be seeing much of her. Nathan dumped her." Peyton smiled happily.

"He did!? Why?" Rachel asked in shock.

"Are you kidding? There is like a book of reasons, you saw how heinous she is." Peyton offered. Peyton had found a few more potential dresses for Rachel to try on, when the sales woman came up to assist them. The saleswoman pulled Peyton into another area of the shop to show her some more dresses and Rachel carried a handful of dresses over to the mirror.

Rachel couldn't help but grab one of the wedding dresses off of the rack and hold it up to her chin. She felt like a little girl.

"Hey."

Rachel jumped clearly startled, and feeling a little embarrassed. Nathan stood behind her watching with an amused smile.

"Hey." Rachel echoed softly. Her back was still turned to him but she could easily see him in the mirror.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay?" Nathan admitted sounding concerned.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Rachel chuckled with a shrug.

"You seemed upset when you came to see me about a week ago and we never really got a chance to talk. I called you, you know?" Nathan offered gently. Rachel offered a slight nod. She knew he had called her but thought it best not to return his call. It would just cause more trouble with Ted that she didn't need.

"It was nothing. Everything's okay now." Rachel answered quietly looking at the floor.

"I know Diane was rude to you and I'm sorry." Nathan apologized. "You didn't deserve that." He added.

"Peyton said you guys broke up." Rachel commented turning to face him.

"Yeah, I broke up with her." Nathan nodded confirming the information.

"Why? I mean I could think of a million reasons…" Rachel asked with a curious chuckle.

"Yeah, she was pretty awful and I just wasn't really with her for the right reasons. But the main reason I broke up with her is because of the way she treated you." Nathan admitted. Nathan's eyes were warm and gentle and in that moment she felt lost in them. Why did hearing that she was the reason for their break up, make her heart flutter? "Is that the dress Peyton's getting?" He asked suddenly gesturing to the dress Rachel was holding. She was broken out of her trance long enough to look down at her hands and feel embarrassed.

"No." Rachel laughed.

"I was gonna say…how does she know it's gonna fit?" He chuckled teasingly.

"No, I was just…fantasizing." Rachel admitted.

"I didn't know you wanted to get married." Nathan replied although he had never really given it too much thought. "Are you and Ted that serious?" He asked curiously.

"No." Rachel answered a little too quickly. After a brief pause she began thoughtfully "I think every girl dreams of their wedding day. But I guess I'm not exactly the marrying kind. I'm no Haley. I'm not the girl a guy decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I'm the one night stand he never calls back." She admitted sadly in a rare moment of vulnerability, before looking away. In one swift and gentle motion, Nathan had grabbed her hand and pulled her in front of the mirror so that she was facing it once again. He was directly behind her, so close she could feel his breath on her neck. His sudden closeness made the air constrict in her throat and she felt her chest tighten.

_You're sick of feeling numb_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand _

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand_

"Rachel, I want you to look at yourself. You're amazing. You're thoughtful and kind. You always put others first. Your incredibly smart and you have an amazing sense of humor. You're forgiving, feisty, playful and a lot of fun to be around. And if that's not enough, you're insanely gorgeous. I'd say you're almost too good to be true. Any guy would be lucky to have you in his life Rach. You just need to believe it too. You have to believe in and love yourself so that everyone else can see what I see." Nathan admitted softly tenderly running his fingertips over her arm. His gentle touch caused her to shiver but what was even more mind blowing was the kindness of his words. Nathan had never looked at her that way and said such things. She was speechless for a moment and they just continued to look at each other through the mirror. His bright blue eyes were warm and sincere. He meant it and he hoped she knew that. He had a feeling it was just something Rachel really needed to hear. He almost wished in that moment she could see herself through his eyes. Her eyes sparkled, her hair fell loosely around her shoulders and although Rachel would claim pink wasn't her color the dress clung to her in all of the right places and she looked absolutely stunning in it. She was breathtaking.

"You never seemed to think that before." Rachel answered finally quietly looking away.

"I need you to know I didn't mean any of the awful things I said. All I can do is apologize for it. I didn't find you disgusting or repulsive. I never thought you were easy or a whore. I just hope you understand it wasn't you. It was myself that I hated and I just ended up taking it out on you." Nathan confessed and his words were heartfelt. "I felt like I had to treat you like crap, to keep you at a distance." He continued softly, and she had no idea how hard this was for him to admit. She deserved to know these things but it was all too much at once. Nathan was suddenly very aware of how close they were, she was flush against him. His head had been over her shoulder and the sides of their faces softly grazed. He removed his hand from her arm hastily like he had been burned, the contact and the moment they had just shared felt way too intimate for his comfort. He had originally come over to apologize about Diane, so how it had become such an intimate moment was beyond him. Rachel could feel it too with the way her heart was pounding and she didn't know whom it scared more. Probably Nathan.

_This life is filled with hurt_

_When happiness doesn't work_

_Trust me and take me hand_

_When the lights go out you'll understand_

"Hey Nathan!" Rachel heard an unfamiliar female voice call, just as Nathan had moved away creating space between them.

"Hey!" Nathan turned around and greeted the girl with a smile. She offered him a kiss on the cheek. Rachel watched the exchange feeling confused. She had never seen this girl before.

"Rachel, this is Beth. We just started seeing each other. She's going with me to Lucas and Peyton's wedding." Nathan offered as Beth extended her hand. Rachel hesitantly took the other girl's hand. _He was already seeing someone? _He and Diane had just broken up. Rachel was in shock. It didn't take him long.

"I just love weddings!" Beth exclaimed with a happy smile. "It's so nice to meet you. Nathan has told me all about you. " She beamed genuinely.

"Really? He's never mentioned you." Rachel offered feeling flustered from the moment she and Nathan had just shared and now meeting his new 'girlfriend.' At least she didn't seem as awful as Diane. It was weird, this girl kind of reminded her of Haley. She was a classic beauty with big brown eyes and honey chestnut hair.

"We just started seeing each other not too long ago." Beth repeated what Nathan said when he first introduced the two.

"Luke and I are going shopping for tuxedos. Afterward we're going to lunch. Do you want to come with us?" Nathan offered Rachel.

"Actually Peyton and I kind of have a girls day." Rachel declined with an apologetic shrug even though she really had no interest in going. Going out on a date with Nathan and his new girlfriend wasn't exactly her idea of a great time.

"Ok, I'll see you later then." Nathan shrugged to which Rachel sent him a nod.

"It was nice meeting you!" Beth called over her shoulder as Nathan pulled her away. Rachel threw down the dress she had been holding with a frustrated sigh. Why did she let herself feel that way when she was around Nathan? She was with someone and Nathan obviously didn't want her. He played with her head more than anything, didn't he? She was with Ted and she should have felt awful for the moment she shared with Nathan. Instead she longed to feel Nathan pressed against her like that again. She shamefully wondered if maybe she had gotten what she deserved when Ted slapped her that night. Here she was with a guy who would bend over backwards for her and she couldn't stop thinking about another man. Another man who had put her through hell and treated her like scum. Another man she shouldn't even want to be in the same room with. Another man who was all she could seem to think about.

_**XoXoXoX**_

Rachel and Peyton had spent the day packing up all of Rachel's things, and now had mostly everything moved from one apartment to the other. Lucas and Rachel had done most of the moving, because neither of them would let Peyton lift a finger. Peyton huffed and puffed a bit being the independent woman she was but begrudgingly gave in and let them do all of the work. Rachel had been unsure of moving in with them at first, but the truth was she really didn't want to be living alone and the idea of Peyton moving out of their apartment was kind of heartbreaking. She hadn't shared this with Peyton, but she was having a hard time letting her go. Now, Rachel was unpacking her belongings in her new home she shared with both Lucas and Peyton. The two of them had left to go and pick a few things up from Karen, but were due to be back within an hour or two. This gave Rachel time to sort through her stuff and get things situated. She and her family had move around a lot over the years, but this had definitely been the fastest she had ever packed and moved.

She put down the box she had been holding at the sound of a knock on the door. She knew exactly who it was. She had invited Ted to come over because she felt they needed to have a talk. She walked over to the door opening it and Ted greeted her with a kiss. She gave him a dim smile, stepping to the side and allowing him to enter. She just couldn't fake it anymore.

"I tried calling you." Ted smiled as she shut the door. Rachel knew this because she had hit the ignore button every time he called. He had called her several times that day and she just couldn't muster the desire to talk to him. She couldn't help feeling things with she and Ted weren't right. This hadn't been right since he had made the mistake of hitting her but she felt like their troubles started long before that. She had been thinking about it for a while but after her encounter with Nathan, she knew she had to deal with it.

"I'm sorry. I was just busy with Peyton, wedding details and all." Rachel answered simply which wasn't a complete lie. She had spent most of her time that day with Peyton, going over things for the wedding.

"I missed you." Ted offered pulling her close for a kiss. She gave him a quick kiss before pulling away.

"I asked you to stop by because I really wanted us to talk…" Rachel began. Ted was looking around at his surroundings.

"So your gonna be living here now?" Ted cut her off curiously scrunching his nose.

"Yes." Rachel answered.

"Isn't that kind of weird, you living with Lucas and Peyton when they are about to get married and all?" Ted pointed out with an unpleasant smile.

"They suggested it." Rachel shrugged awkwardly.

"We should live together." Ted grinned, his eyes lighting up at the idea.

"W-what?" Rachel uttered.

"It would make a lot more sense. I know you and Peyton are good friends but you have your own lives, you can't stay attached at the hip forever. Their just letting you stay with them out of pity Rachel. But me, I want us to live together because I love you." Ted explained softly.

"They didn't ask me to move in out of pity." Rachel spat angrily.

"Don't be silly, I know you want to believe the best in people but try to look at things realistically honey. Of course they did. They know you don't have anyone so they felt sorry for you. You took care of Peyton when she got knocked up so they felt obligated to return the favor. But now you do have someone in you life who cares, someone who loves you and always wants to be there for you…" Ted insisted caressing her face with his hand.

"Stop it! Stop talking about Lucas and Peyton like that! If that's really what you think then you obviously don't know them!" Rachel snapped pushing his hand away.

"Or maybe you don't know them? Come on Rachel, would it kill you to spend a little less time with Peyton and a little more time with me? And now you're moving in with them when you and I could be living together." Ted scoffed.

"I don't want us to live together. In fact, I think we are on two completely different pages and have been for a long time now." Rachel sighed.

"What are you trying to say?" Ted asked moving closer to her with a look of worry.

"You're suffocating me. I feel like you want me to ask your permission to just breathe. You try to control how I dress and whom I hang out with. You always want me with you 24/7. It's like you want me to center my life around you." Rachel tried to explain emotionally. Ted's eyes enlarged wildly.

"This is about Nathan isn't it?" Ted shouted.

"Oh God, here we go again." Rachel huffed rolling her eyes. "You know what, maybe partially it is about Nathan. I've never fully gotten over him or recovered from what he did to me and ever since I have just been trying to force myself into this relationship with you. I just kept thinking that you're such a great guy and that I should consider myself lucky to be with you. My parents might have been right when they said I don't deserve you, and perhaps I will end up regretting this someday. You might be a great guy, but maybe you're just not the one for me." She cried.

"Rachel, you can't break up with me! I love you." Ted pleaded holding her in his arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not ready for this. Maybe someday…" Rachel began pushing him away.

"Are you fucking him?!" Ted screamed becoming irate violently grabbing her by the arms and shaking her. Rachel let out a fearful gasp, as his hand encircled her tiny wrists. She yelped in pain he was holding her so tightly.

"Get off of me!" Rachel screamed trying her hardest to fight back.

"Isn't this what you wanted? To be treated like a dirty whore? Maybe if I treated you the way Nathan does you would love me! Huh? Is that what I have to do? Call you filthy names, be rough with you." Ted yelled in her face twisting her right arm around her back and she let out a painful cry.

"You're hurting me!" Rachel screamed in anguish.

_Anger and agony _

_Are better than misery_

"That's what you like isn't it!?" Ted taunted viciously.

"Please." Rachel begged in pain.

"Tell me you love me!" Ted demanded.

"No!" Rachel whimpered. She was now crying, hot tears were streaming down her face. She was struggling against him but there was no use, he was strong and she felt so small and weak. He might not have been a huge guy but compared to a small girl like herself it was hopeless.

"Say it!" Ted hissed squeezing her arm even tighter. She yelped in pain surprised he hadn't snapped the bone.

"I love you!" Rachel cried in defeat. "I love you, I love you so much just please…" She sobbed. Her arms were throbbing in pain and she just wanted him to let her go.

"You lying bitch." Ted muttered overcome with emotion. He released her arms and she almost felt relieved, until she felt his hand connect with her face hard. She flew back from the impact and before she could have any kind of reaction he was on her again. He easily grabbed her slamming her onto the couch.

"Ted, please calm down!" Rachel cried and he was on top of her. He had her pinned against the couch and she could barely move. "I didn't mean it okay. I don't know what I was thinking." She sobbed. She was lying but right now she would say just about anything to calm him down.

"You're a liar!" Ted roared his face inches from hers. "You probably thought of him every time we were together, didn't you? You fucking slut!" He screamed. Rachel could see that there was no calming him down and after everything he had just said and done she was more overcome with more anger than she was fear.

"No, because you could never compare to him bed." Rachel hissed furiously spitting at him. Ted gave her an enraged, hard kiss on the mouth and she took this as an opportunity to try and somewhat fight back. She opened her mouth, clenching her teeth down on his lower lip as hard as she could. Ted took his knee that was in between her legs and slammed it into her center. Rachel let out a loud and painful cry.

"I'm gonna make one thing perfectly clear, your mine. I refuse to let you go. If I can't have you, no one will! Do you understand me?!" Ted demanded. His hand slithered up her skirt violently ripping off her panties.

"Please don't do this Ted." Rachel pleaded crying harder.

"You were begging Nathan for it all those times weren't you?" Ted cried slamming her against the couch.

"Hey! Get the hell off of her!" Peyton yelled from the doorway running into the room and launching herself onto Ted's back. She seemed to have completely forgotten she was pregnant, all she saw was that her best friend was being hurt. Ted struggled with Peyton briefly before throwing her off of him completely. Peyton flew making hard contact with the wall. Peyton let out a painful cry as she fell to the floor.

"She's pregnant you idiot!" Rachel cried finally on her feet and rushing to be at Peyton's side. Peyton was curled in a ball crying in pain. But Ted intercepted Rachel, slamming her tiny frame against the wall.

"I said, if I can't have you nobody will." Ted promised wrapping his hands around her neck. Rachel struggled against him as she felt the air constricting in her throat. His hands tightened, his thumbs pushing harder onto her throat. She gagged choking for air. Her vision was beginning to blur. She suddenly felt herself fall to the floor. She could hear what sounded like Lucas in the distance. Her vision was still blurred, she coughed and sputtered for air. Lucas and Ted struggled until Lucas finally saw that Peyton had been hurt. He rushed to her side and Ted used this as an opportunity to get away. Apparently he wasn't so tough when he was against another man. Rachel struggled with all of her might to get back to her feet, all she could think of was one thing: _Peyton. _She didn't care what happened to her as long as Peyton was okay. Lucas was already on his phone when requesting an ambulance as Rachel stumbled to Peyton's side, still struggling to breathe.

"Oh God, Peyton…" Lucas cried with tears in his eyes. Peyton held her stomach in pain.

"Lucas, the baby…" Peyton sobbed.

"Rachel what happened?" Lucas cried looking to her for answers. Rachel couldn't seem to find her voice. _This was all her fault_.

_**XoXoXoX**_

Nathan rushed into the emergency room carrying James in his arms. He had just gotten the called that Peyton had been hurt and rushed out of the house immediately. Lucas was pacing the room. He looked like hell, consumed with worry and completely distraught over the possibilities of what might happen. Nathan gave James to his mother before heading over to his brother's side and pulling him into a comforting hug.

"Lucas, what happened?" Nathan asked softly.

"She…She could lose the baby. She could lose our first child." Lucas uttered emotionally completely ignoring Nathan's question as if he hadn't heard it. And perhaps he hadn't.

"Luke, what happened?" Nathan asked a little more sternly.

"Ted…" Lucas began finally looking at him.

"Ted did this?!" Nathan demanded. "Why would he do something like this?" He cried.

"I guess he's been hitting Rachel." Lucas stammered and Nathan's eyes scanned the room immediately landing on Rachel. She was sitting on the floor against the wall, slumped over. She looked completely broken emotionally and physically. She had bruising around neck, along her arms and across her face. Nathan guessed the internal damage and inner turmoil she was going through was probably ten times worse. And judging by the look in her eyes, he was right.

_I know that you're wounded_

_You know that I'm here to save you_

_You know I'm always here for you_

_I know that you'll thank me later_

"…and Peyton walked in on them having an altercation." He added with a shaky voice. "What am I supposed to do Nate? What if she loses the baby?" He sobbed with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Don't think like that. You just have to pray man." Nathan answered compassionately giving his brother's shoulder a heartfelt squeeze. Lucas took a seat after pacing for what seemed like hours, and put his head on his hands. Nathan could hear Lucas softly crying into his hands. He had never seen his brother like this. Karen took a seat beside her son cradling his head in her hands.

Nathan walked back over to his mother, who was hugging Jamie closely to her.

"Mom, do me a favor and look after James for a bit?" Nathan asked softly.

"Why, where are you going?" Deb asked with concern. Nathan looked over at Lucas and then his eyes traveled to Rachel, and lingered on her.

"I just have something I have to take care of. Just look after him okay. I'll be back." Nathan promised and with that he turned to walk away, his fists clenched in determination.

"Nathan!" Deb called in fear. She was sure he had only looked this way once, back when Haley was still alive and someone had nearly killed her by trying to run her down with their car. He turned back around looking at her questioningly. "Don't do anything stupid." She sighed helplessly. Nathan offered her a slight nod before heading down the hall. As he walked he felt himself becoming more and more angry. He thought of Lucas, a grown man who had been brought to tears. He thought of Peyton, she was such as good person and now the life of her baby and possibly herself, could be in the balance. Then he thought of Rachel bruised, broken, and a mess filled with self-loathing, anger and feeling like she was completely to blame. He knew that feeling all too well. He violently pushed open the hospital doors with a thirst for vengeance. Teddy boy messed with the wrong lives and Nathan would see to it that he paid dearly.

_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

'_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_**Rather feel pain**_

_**XoXoXoX**_

**A/N: The song used in this chapter was 'Pain' by Three Days Grace. **_Wow, so it looks like some of you actually wanted me to kill Rachel. Ch7 got less reviews than any chapters. Tsk Tsk, you guys are bad. :P To anyone who may have thought I was serious about that, I was just joking. And thank you so much to all of you who have been kind enough to leave a review. hug _

_And I just wanted to add, that I myself found the idea of Rachel taking Ted back after what he did to be realistic and seemed like something she would do. I mean I know Rachel comes off as a strong girl, but just look at everything she allowed Nathan to put her through and still kept going back for more. Mental/Verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse, that's just my two cents and I can't put in all my reasoning cause this is an AN and I am trying to keep it short. lol_

**Thanks to: bellasmomma, RathanIsLove, leytonetreehill, IloveJamesLafferty, Sarah, Mel, elighmorgif, LeytonTilEnd, othstewy, calixx, RaeRaeRaeLiz, xbabiidoll, Anberlin, Ellle, and Allison for the reviews. **

**Preview: **Nathan has seemingly gone looking for Ted. Will he do something he'll regret. Rachel is in a dark place after everything that has happened, while Peyton and the baby fight for their lives. All of that and much more, so if you are enjoying this and want an update be sure to review! Thanks.


End file.
